Wednesday, January 20, 2010

dear super fan

dear super fan,

I'm the one that was stuck behind you at the concert last night, and while I didn't have the words to say anything last night, I have them now. and there a few things that you really should know.

first of all, we all know you know the words to her songs. most of us do. that's why we were at her concert. in fact, brandi probably already knows that most of her audiences think she's awesome and can sing along. but you don't have to show her. i'm convinced she was UNIMPRESSED. probably because you can't carry a tune and you ruined the sound of her voice. oh, and I was unimpressed as well. quite unimpressed.

secondly, i have never considered myself a homophobe. but I think I am now. the CONSTANT touching, kissing, arm wrapping, and neck smothering was really getting to me. and see, i don't really care that you're lesbians. that's not the issue. there were plenty more there last night that didn't bother me in the least. but you guys were a little annoying about it. and if you were heterosexual I would be just as annoyed. there are places to be intimate, and places to be respectful of people around you. you should look into that.

oh, and speaking of 'respectful,' you should maybe learn a thing or two about personal space, and not just for your girlfriend's sake. see, when I don't know you, and even if I did know you, come to think of it, I DON'T want your hair strewn about my face and my chest when you get the itch to show brandi how much you love her music and throw your head back and "sing." it's gross. and it smells like smoke. and i'm not convinced you washed it yesterday. or the day before. you get my point. keep it to yourself.

and, let's see...Okay, the jumping thing? doesn't work at the slowdown. it's a small venue. everyone's close together. it just doesn't work. brandi's not really a mosh pit kind of artist. so maybe save that for someone else. i understand that as a superfan, you want to be like her, and jump when she jumps, but it wasn't good. i was scared for my toes. and my nose. and YOUR knees, because I was about to do that thing to the back of them that makes you fall. but i resisted. because i'm a christian. :)

alright, I think that about sums it up. please know that if brandi wasn't such an awesome live performer, you would have totally ruined the whole night for me. instead you just changed it. because instead of seeing this (and yes, this close. we were VERY CLOSE):

and this:

I saw THIS, except you were jumping up and down and getting your hair all in my face, which this photo cannot show:

but thank goodness for the cello player.

he's the one who I watched, way off to the side of the stage, so that I wouldn't get motion sick trying to see around you. and I can't complain, because he's a good looking guy, but ya know, I came to see brandi. and this poor guy knew i was watching him the whole time. in fact, he was giving me looks that said, "you poor girl, stuck behind the super fan. i'm not creeped out that you keep watching me, because i can clearly see why. I wouldn't want to look forward either." seriously, you were not only bothering me with your antics, you were bothering the cello player. and brandi. my sister and i are positive we saw brandi giving us similar looks as the cello player did. they all felt bad for us.

so there you have it. a few tips on how to be a better person. i feel like you owe me twenty bucks, but i'll take one for the team. but just know that some day you're going to be in front of someone who's not as loving as me. and they won't save all their mean yet helpful things for their blog. and it just might be a security guard who has the best interest of all fans in mind. and you'll be asked to leave. or you'll be hurt very badly.

and don't say i didn't warn ya.

with angry love,


Anonymous said...

too funny! now it doesn't matter that i wasn't there because i can totally picture the whole thing! i'm still laughing about the back of the knees thing you didn't do because you're a christian. thanks for the laugh!


The Yellow Door Paperie said...

I am so laughing at this! I tried to not laugh-out-loud at my desk!

I'm glad the bass player was good looking and you now have a good story to tell!

Melinda said...

one more thing: if you ever plan on attending another event at the slowdown, here's my phone number: 712.370.0880. call me so I can sell my tickets to some other sucker.

Robyn said...

I'm laughing out loud too! Same experience on a smaller scale at a baseball game...let's just say I was done with my Coke after frizzy red head's full head of locks landed in it! Seriously people?!??

Corinne Doughan said...

I really like Brandi too!!! I'm a little jealous you got to go to one of her concerts!

Krista Pals said...

Hilarious!!! The back of the knees thing made me laugh out loud...hard! You made my day!

theKband said...

Love it.

Angela Kim said...

oh i just noticed you "redecorated" Cute!