This morning, I dropped the big kids off at the bus stop. And I gave them a kiss and a hug and told them to have a great day, just like I do every day. And then I stood on the corner and waved as they drove by like I do every day. And I blew them a kiss and held up the "I love you" sign like I do every day. and they did it back to me. Lillian right up next to the window and Josiah next to her popping his head up over the back of the seat so they can both see me for as long as possible. like they do every day.
but today was actually very different than every other day. Inside my heart was breaking, my pulse was racing. because that could easily be how the 20 other mothers' mornings started on Friday. (I'm sure you all had the exact same thoughts.) and now their mornings will never again be the same as the "everyday" they experienced before. So my heart was breaking for them. weeping and wailing for them.
There's so much I don't understand. and so many things I wonder about...
all the details, which are so sick to even think about, but I can't stop wondering. details about Adam and what his thought process was, and what he saw, and why he stopped when he stopped. and details about the parents, and how they found out, and how on earth didn't just run into the school to hold their babies' bodies that they knew were in there, just a little ways away. and the poor little siblings. the one photo of the older sister looking down, and the brother with his hands over his mouth. that's the one that that makes me bawl uncontrollably. it reminds me of Josiah and Lillian, and I just imagine them being reunited after such a traumatic event.
speaking of my kids, I wonder how they would react in a similar situation? would they scream? be silent? try to console others? it's haunting...
and what would I do in that situation? as a teacher, as a parent. would I scream? be silent? would I EVER stop crying? these weren't even my kids and I could barely get control of myself.
and what on earth is the solution? I don't know, I'm not sure it's all about guns. I mean yeah, something needs to be done about how easy it is for people to get ahold of guns. That part I agree with. Most people who have the idea to kill people would probably not act on it if was a huge pain in the butt to get a gun. like when someone with too many DUIs has to have a breath sensor thing in their car before it can start. there are ways to have a little more control, I think. I know there are a few that would figure out other ways, like the Oklahoma City bombing, but that was a lot more work than just grabbing a gun and doing it. and a lot less common, probably for a reason. so I definitely think that we have a gun problem in our country. but I don't think it's THE problem.
and yeah, the violent video games and such play a part in it I'm sure. but that's not the source either. and why are we blaming video games when kids can't just show up at Target and buy violent games on their own? maybe teenagers can, but it starts younger than that these days. and I think parents could take a lot more control over that area. but banning video games is certainly not THE solution.
and so many people are blaming "the system" for not getting these people the help they need. and let me just say this: THERE ARE TONS AND TONS OF PEOPLE IN "THE SYSTEM" BUSTING THIER BUTTS TO HELP THESE PEOPLE, ALL DAY EVERY DAY. Can you imagine all the people with mental illness in the whole country? imagine it. go ahead. and then think about how many of them are not shooting people. that's a lot of people. so don't blame the mental illness, and PLEASE don't blame "the system" because I think they're doing the best they can.
what it comes down to is just that our world is filled with sin and evil. Since Adam and Eve we've had sin. Since Cain and Abel we've had murder. so as much as we want to blame the fact that God's not in schools and our society is is falling apart at the seams, well, it (almost) always has been.
It makes sense, in a nation that claims religious freedom, to not have God in the schools. and it makes sense for a nation that claims equality to allow gay marriage. (I still don't know why we would allow abortion, however. that will just never make sense.) I'm not saying it's BEST, I'm saying it makes sense.
but here's the thing: this world, the world that's falling apart at the seams, the world where innocent children die, the world that's continuously in war, against people, against God, against ideas, against government, this world is NOT our home.
and because it's not our home, we have hope in the joy of Heaven. God knew how horrible the world would be before he even made it. But he still made it, for his own glory. if SIN was supposed to rule this world, then why would He have even bothered? God created the WHOLE WORLD, knowing exactly what would become of it, for his GLORY.
so if we are stuck here for now, let's be sure to do our part to show His GLORY. Let's use experiences like this to show the world that in this darkness there is LIGHT. there is A light. be the light. show the light.
I'm so disappointed in so many facebook posts (or whatever social media site you prefer, same diff...) and articles and news stories. it's so easy to add to the darkness, and cast blame, and call names, and to join in the sin slinging. but how does that make us any different?
DO YOUR PART. Christians need to look different than the rest of the world!!!!! talk to your kids about how this kind of stuff starts. talk about bullying, talk about love, talk about standing up for what you believe. talk about being kind to the kids who don't have friends. talk about sacrifice, talk about Jesus. and most importantly, put your money where your mouth is. If you think this world is sick and twisted, then do something to make it better, don't just fight sin with sin.
so many people are asking where God was in this whole situation. easy answer, he was doing what he does, and drawing people closer to Him. Don't put words in my mouth or read what I'm not writing. I don't think this was "from God." but I know that He will use this horrific experience to draw people to Him. but how are people who are searching going to know where to go? if we, as Christians are the ones saying these people need to be locked up or put in looney bins or whatever other negative things you have to say, and hunkering down in our safe little Christian homes and keeping our children safe, against the big bad world, then where's the trust in that? where's the LIGHT in that?
This is turning into a huge rambling post, so let me just wrap it up here.
savor the little moments. do you know how many parents have been just a little bit better at parenting these last couple days? myself included. let's not wait til the next school shooting to be better. let's be better now.
Our world is going to continue down the path of destruction. no matter who's president, no matter what else you want to blame. so make a choice, today and every day, to be part of the Light. Quit asking Jesus to come quickly, because guess what...he's here. He's in you and he's in me. and we're allowed in schools. and we can be the Light.