Wednesday, February 17, 2016

that time i was on the bachelor

the bachelor franchise is celebrating 20 seasons right now.  that means 20 bachelors only, plus all the bachelorettes, plus bachelor pad and bachelor in paradise, which puts them at 30 something runs at love. and there are only about 4 that i didn't watch.  i'm a total relationship junkie, and i guess you could use the bachelor phrase about me--i love love.

so it was absolutely "amazing" last night when i found myself ON THE SHOW!

things started a little rough just because i could not for the life of me figure out what was going on, and there were so many kids around.  i thought maybe mike fleiss didn't have to follow child labor laws and they were training all these little ones to be ABC interns or something. because SOMEBODY has to count out the roses and put the blankets with the picnic baskets and the hot tubs in all the middles of nowheres. but actually, there were just lots of moms on my season, and they all took their kids i guess, which, whatever, but mine were no where to be found, thankfully.  because honestly, i had seen the teaser about how ben responded to amanda's kids on her hometown date, and he looked a little stressed, so i was glad that mine weren't here to distract me.  this was going to be a good time.

i guess you could say the problems started early on in the night, when every.single.time i tried to talk to ben my phone kept buzzing with text messages from like, ALL of lillian's friends.  i caught on pretty early that he was absolutely not interested in me.  but i figured it was just because it was so hard to have a conversation with all those texts coming through!

so that was really disappointing.

but later when i was brushing my teeth by the fancy mirror, i heard my name in the conversation happening outside the room with ben and the other ladies. turns out they had given me a nickname, and i was the "religious spy." i first took offense to that, but then realized that maybe i should take it as a compliment, and hope that if nothing else it got picked up by lincee from and i could be featured on her blog every week. i guess if they were going to bash me for something, at least it was my faith, which meant that they knew that is a big part of me. but like, whatever ladies, i didn't come here to make friends...i was there for the right reasons (right reasons).

overhearing that conversation got me a little curious though if i'm being honest.  i mean, don't we often wonder what's said about us behind closed doors?  i decided to take it one step further and google myself.  big mistake.  googling 'andrea on the bachelor' revealed to me that the whole entire world had pegged me as THE BORING ONE and i found post after post and tweet after tweet about how badly i needed to go home.  it was like, worse than olivia. thankfully there was no mention of my bad breath or my ankles though (poor olivia) but they seriously wanted me off the show.

this was, of course, the straw that broke the camel's back.  it was obvious that i was not going to get a rose, and the night was going from bad to worse. i didn't care about the free booze or the potential of super fancy hotels and traveling and exotic dates. i was surrounded by people who didn't like me, and i was working SO HARD to just not crawl into a bed and pull the covers up over my head and cry. the introvert in me was like JUST DO IT but i knew i'd never find love if i did that.

it was a NEVER-ENDING night. i was exhausted. i couldn't figure out where my kids were. ben was totally uninterested. the ladies were mocking my faith. and bachelor nation said i was boring. this is not what i had signed up for.

but then suddenly, the setting changed. i tried to get my bearings, but couldn't quite tell if i was in tahiti or the badlands or what.  i was just hoping that my date wouldn't be on the water bc i'm just not a huge boat lover. or heaven forbid it has to do with birds. they always pick what you are deathly afraid of for dates. i started feeling the warmth of the sunshine on my left.  it was weird though that it was dark but warm. my eyes focused a bit more, and i reached toward the warmth, which turned out to be a 7000 degree steve hydeen with his back toward me, breathing slowly and steadily in a peaceful sleep as if his wife did not just spend the whole night on a show he pretends to hate. 

now, let me just say that i love this man so incredibly much every second of every day.  

but never have i loved him more than the moment last night when i realized that he was still mine, and i didn't have to convince him to like me, and not only that, but that he actually loved me, and all of my boringness, and that the longest night of my life was actually just a dream, and i could carry on with my life and my husband and my kids whose friends text me, and people who don't make fun of me for being a jesus-loving spy.  


i snuggled up to my sweet husband, trying to get every part of my body touching his just to make sure it was real life.  it lasted about 3 seconds before i was dripping in sweat, struggling to get my foot out of the covers, and flipping my pillow to the cold side.  but even back on my own side of the bed, in my small house in Nebraska, with my boring self and an alarm clock that would be sounding much too soon, i realized how much i love MY love. and i love MY life. 

and the fact that these ridiculous shows can make me realize it. :)