So, Brielle started walking. And this whole process has really got me thinkin...
She's really been able to walk for a while now. She could do it. She just wouldn't. So she'd hang on to my hand, and not let go. not for anything. And if my hands were busy, she'd hold my leg.
It was like she felt like she could do ANYTHING, as long as she was holding on. She'd be so excited about the littlest things, and look up at me with big eyes, hoping for approval. But she didn't want to let go.
And then every so often, she'd test the waters. She'd take a step or two on her own. But that's it. A step or two. And she'd come back and grab my hand, feeling safe again. But every so often she'd fall flat on her face before she came back to me. She'd come crying, and I thought she'd never let go again.
Yet sometime this past weekend she walked a little more. She'd start at the couch and walk away, only to turn around and head back to the couch again. Little circles, but always back to where it was safe.
And I realized that I want to be like that.
I want to NEED my Father's hand in mine. I want to think I can do ANYTHING when I'm holding on. I want to know the ONLY safe place. And if I can't reach His hand, I want to hold on to His leg. Anything to feel close, to feel safe. And if I try things out on my own, I want to run back to Him. I want to turn myself right around and go back to safety.
I think a little two often I think I can do it on my own. so I do. And I fall flat on my face. And when it hurts, I realize why I fell. I can't do it on my own.
I want to never let go.