I was in 6th grade when I first saw him. he frightened me because my pesky brother told me he would be very very short, and when he came to the door (it was a middle school church event, and we were knocking on doors) he was HUGE and I ran away. He wasn't really that huge, but he was up a step from me and he was already tall for an 8th grader.
I was always aware of him, from then on I think, even though I had other boyfriends and a major crush on Michael Greller who knew not of my existence (except, of course, for my pesky brother (again) who told him one time, right in front of me. traumatic for an 8th grader, Joel. thanks.). but even while I cheered for #4 (pathetic, I still remember) I was always aware of him.
Eventually I ended up in high school with him and wondered if I'd marry him some day. we both lived very separate lives for a few months, but eventually, since many of my friends from church were his close friends, we started hanging out in group settings, hanging out at the Huismans', playing sand volleyball at Vet's park, hot tubbing at the DenHartogs', the usual "good kids" high school stuff. :)
There were times I wondered if he might like me, and other times I wondered if he noticed me at all.
At one point, the summer after my freshman year, when I was 15 years old, we had a date set up. We had not communicated even once about it (hilarious now), but our friend had all the details worked out. that date attempt failed, however, when his grandpa died and he left for like a month or something, and when he got back I left for a family vacation. and, um, when I got back from vacation he had a girlfriend. (give him a break, he was a normal 17 year old boy...)
On my 16th birthday I was with him. me and him and two other friends, swimming in the pit at Carnes. he still had 'said girlfriend' so it wasn't like I was flirting. I was just noticing how good he looked in his swimming suit and wondering if someday I'd marry him, that's all. 100% innocent, I promise.
and then that same weekend we went to have a campout at the lakes. a whole bunch of us, maybe like 20? it was so fun except that the girlfriend was there when she was supposed to be at college but whatever. I didn't notice. ;) that was also his birthday weekend so his parents threw a little ice cream party for him when we got back, and I gave him the only card i could find at my house which was full of trains and cars and airplanes and had some cheesy little boy message on it. but I thought maybe he'll keep this forever and some day we can give the same card to our son. :)
soon after that, when he and the college girl had broken up, I thought maybe it was my chance. I remember being at a high school dance (the band dance maybe? although I feel like i remember it in the gym, not the lunchroom). anyway, I was dancing with this guy(who shall remain nameless, to protect his innocence and his feelings for the fact that I did NOT want to be dancing with him), when I spotted him with another girl. I totally saw their connection and probably left the school in tears and shouting "I HATE YOU STEVE HYDEEN AND I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU EVER AGAIN!" ok maybe not because I wasn't THAT dramatic, but I DID decide to be done having a crush on him. i was done. ;)
I went to homecoming and on quite a few other dates with another guy (many of them group dates with steve, not that I was noticing...) and it was good for me to have a break from the drama of a teenage girl's heart.
now, if you want to blame someone for what happened next, you can blame Gail Marincovich. I will love her forever and always.
see, it was right during the fall high school production of Oliver, and Steve was Faggin and I was on hair and makeup crew. Gail (the director) gave me the responsibility of "graying" Faggin's beard. (never mind the fact that she and my mom were good friends and my mom probably paid her to give me that job.....juuuuuust kidding.....) Gail and Rusty had also planned a trip to DesMoines to see Les Mis for the following weekend and offered to chaperone any high schoolers that wanted to go, and Steve and I and a bunch of our friends signed up. and, well, steve also happened to break up with his girlfriend that weekend. I was in the band room after the football game when I heard. not that I remember or anything, or that it mattered to me at all. ;)
the stars were aligned.
at some point when I was graying his beard for the production that night, knowing that we'd be on a trip together that following weekend (with like 10 other people too), I knew I had to be fair and break up with the guy I was dating. It was mean horrible and I still feel guilty about it, except for the fact that we're friends now (it took a while) and both happily married to the loves of our lives. :) and it would have been meaner to NOT do that, since I knew I wanted to marry Steve Hydeen. the whole world knew I wanted to marry Steve Hydeen.
so anyway, the following weekend we were in a van on the way to DesMoines talking about eye color or something equally gag-worthy, all for an excuse to gaze into each other's eyes. and the rest is history. :) actually, it took awhile for us to finally become official.
we had a long talk on the way home from Jantina's where we watched My Best Friend's Wedding, and he whisper-sang in my ear "the way you look tonight" during the scene on the boat (i almost died). anyway, the talk on the way home was about Brandon's cousin who liked this girl and I thought, hey, maybe this will lead to a conversation about US and WHAT WE ARE. but no, he went on and on about Brandon's cousin and never once talked about us. until, of course, we got to my driveway and he explained that brandon's cousin didnt' exist, and it was him, and he liked this girl, and what should he do? and it was so cute and I was almost past my curfew and so I told him to 'go for it' and hopped out of the car. I went in the house and downstairs to my mom and dad's room, where I announced (to my dad, who had recently told me that steve should either "shit or get off the pot") that steve did, in fact, shit. and it felt really weird to say shit to my dad when I was 16 years old. but I was a giddy mess.
First kiss was valentines day weekend on the night of Winter Ball. it was the sweetest set up where he made me supper and spilled sparkling duck on his mom's new carpet (sorry Carla!). it was too foggy for stars outside so he stuck glow in the dark stars on his mom and dad's living room ceiling so he could dance under the stars with me. and that's where he kissed me. We argue to this day about who stuck whose tongue in whose mouth, but I guess we felt the connection and went with it. :) now I think 16 year olds have no business with their tongue in anybody else's mouth, which is a sure sign I'm getting old. :) but yes, our first kiss was a doozie. :)
soon all our friends began to hate us because we always wanted to be together, but when you wait that long and he's finally yours, nothing else really matters. i'm just glad I actually married him or it would be really sad to make my friends hate me for no good reason.
We had a short little break up after he went to college and I was like THIS SUCKS and he was like PROM SUCKS. just kidding he never said that and was a real trooper going to prom TWICE as a college kid. but that little two week break confirmed that I never wanted another day of my life without him in it.
our college years were probably the hardest years of our whole life together. I came into college with a boyfriend so it was kind of assumed that I didn't need girlfriends. which was sorta true (I've never been a huge girl-friend person because I've been so close to my sisters) except for the fact that my boyfriend was a theater major and had ZERO time to ever do ANYTHING except memorize lines and be on light crew til 4am and other stuff that was very much not a part of my life. he left in the summers to go on DME tours and it was just really hard. they say marriage is hard work, but man, I thought college was way harder.
after my sophomore year (like, RIGHT AFTER) I got my wisdom teeth out. it was his graduation weekend, and he was finally done with college. He came to my house the day after and found me with my huge puffy cheeks and sweaty workout clothes in front of the tv doing Arms and Abs of Steel. You can see how well that worked out for me.
He wanted to go on a picnic, so after driving around the WHOLE town of OC, we finally found one park that they were done mowing! (it was Tulip Festival weekend and the whole city was in "clean up" mode.) we parked over by kinderspeelland, set out a blanket by the shelter house, and had a little picnic while I sucked down food instead of chewing it with my sore mouth. I noticed a police officer just sitting in the parking lot, and thought to myself, ha! that guy totally thinks he's going to witness a proposal here. Little does he know that MY man plans picnics on a regular basis and that's probably not what's going to happen here! He wouldn't do that to me with my PUFFY CHEEKS and sweaty clothes!
soon after that though, steve was playing me a song on his guitar (also not the first time that happened, he's a romantic...) and next thing I knew he was down on one knee (or UP on one knee I guess) asking me to be his wife.
brains are very fast and I thought a lot of things in that one millisecond "how could you! my cheeks!" "that cop was right!" "my fingernails look horrible!" "it's my dream come true!" and a bazillion more. but the only one that came out of my mouth was "yes! of course!" and then I cried. it was really perfect because I thought for sure I would know when he was going to do it. I thought he'd go all out and the whole date I would know and just wait for it to happen. but he chose to just be US, doing something we often did, and it was perfect.
our wedding day was perfect. filled with friends and family and the presence of God. I really felt it. it rained and thundered during our vows, and then the skies cleared, and we had the best dance party EVER in my parents' back yard. I crack up now at the decorations, the dresses, the style of it all, but then it was perfect. there was no pinterest to compare it to, no digital pictures to put on facebook, nothing fancy, just a dream come true. sometimes I think I should get a do-over and plan a wedding with all the cool stuff people do nowadays. :) but I wouldn't change a thing about the day I married him.
our wedding night was perfect, after I finally got all the bobby pins out of my hair. we went home to our teeny little apartment because we just wanted to be HOME, even if it was only for a few hours before we flew out for honeymoon. it was sweet and romantic and perfect.
but let me just say, to all those 16 year olds who are tempted to do more than put their tongue in someone else mouth, don't bother. :) out of pure love and respect for my husband, I have to say that if it had not been our wedding night it would not have been worth it. am I allowed to say that? here's the thing GIRLS, your bodies are a big huge freaking puzzle that will take YEARS for your husband to figure out. and if the moment doesn't have the emotion of it being your wedding night and waiting your whole life (however long that is) for this very moment to be one with your husband, then there's a good chance that you'll just find yourself saying "what the heck? for real?" it just takes a while to get it all figured out, so don't waste it on some dumb experience in someone's basement or wherever it's happening these days.
because someday it will be something really special.
We honeymooned in Charleston SC where it was approximately 700 degrees every single day but we loved it. I wanted to rip my fake fingernails off because they are really bad for scratching itchy legs (and if you know me, you know i always have itchy legs) and i also had the worlds WORST bladder infection. I got home and called my mom and said, "um, mom? do you get bladder infections from having sex?" and she said "Oh honeyyyyyyy, I should have told you. " and I said "YES YOU SHOULD HAVE!" there are a few other things I wish I had known but whatever. and so now you all know that. should I delete that whole paragraph????
anyway.....since the day we got married, life has given us so many ups and downs and ridiculous "highs" and a few too many "glad we don't have hidden cameras here" moments.
we've lived in OC, Spain, Council Bluffs, Bellevue, and Omaha. We've been through births and deaths and everything in between. We've been the best parents in the whole entire world and the worst parents in the whole entire world. I don't need to write the rest out, since most of it is on facebook or this blog anyway. but the last ten years have been a ride.
this man, the same man as the KID I was crushing on, is mine forever.
You all have no idea what he sees every day. he sees me at my most selfish. my crabbiest, whiniest, neediest. He watches as he gets better and better looking, and I get softer and saggier and wrinklier. :) He knows I'm a lot of work but he keeps on trying. He knows I need his time, his touch, his presence. he has a bazillion things on his plate at all times and still finds a way to meet my needs.
There are times when I look back and think about how I didn't really even know that boy I had a crush on. and there are other times when I look back and think he's the SAME now has he was then, only he's MINE.
It's hard to talk about the little things that bother you so they don't become big things. It's hard to know when to say no and protect your family time. it's hard to watch someone else's dreams come true, sometimes at the cost of your own. lots of things are HARD in marriage.
but one thing is for sure. it's EASY to spend the whole morning thinking about and writing our story when i should be doing a million other things.
and it's EASY to love him. for ten years and forever.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Friday, June 14, 2013
is it fall yet????
Summer days are long. and I just added 3 hours to mine by getting up early to finish a pinkadink order. Every so often I have "that order" that every possible thing that could go wrong goes wrong, so I end up staying up way too late to finish it (and by way too late I only mean midnight, but I'm getting old and if I stay up til midnight it's usually because I'm sleeping on my husband's lap "watching" a movie). and when I'm up late then weird things start happening like not looking when I'm cutting or not realizing I ran out of bobbin thread 3 seams ago and the like, so it's not worth staying up anymore and I force myself to get up early.
so that's where we are. up early.
the best part is that Josiah came down to the basement this morning, embroidery hoop in hand (we've started hand sewing, and so far they love it) and in a way that only a 6 year old can appreciate the hours before 8:00 am says, "Mama, can I sew with you???" and sat himself down right in front of my sewing machine and got to work on a gift he's making. :)
it's a good thing when I have those moments. and I need to make sure I document them, because otherwise all I'll remember is the long summer days when the kids fight with each other and how I join right in because I have to work really hard at being a GOOD parent, and it just seems like too much work lately. But I have to document the "mama, can I sew with you"s so that some day I'll say OH LOOK! there's proof that I tried! I tried to do fun things, to encourage creativity, to enjoy our time together, to have special things to do together!
because seriously, it's just way easier to join the 'fun' and be crabby. I know I've mentioned my "30-teen reaction" on here before, where I act like a sassy teenager even though I'm a thirty-something woman. its in full force these days, guys. full freaking force.
I'm just so good at being a lazy parent! when Lillian gets back from her friends house, it's like she has this realization that her life is HORRIBLE and her Mom is SO DEMANDING and nobody else's mom makes them unload the dishwasher and her siblings are just SO ANNOYING and her life is OVER because she has a reasonable bedtime, all of which she escaped from for a few hours at her friends house. In that situation it would be good parenting to sit her down and talk out her feelings and remind her why I have her help around the house, and why it's good that we give her responsibilities, and encourage her to have grace for her siblings. But it's so easy to just complain REALLY loudly to Steve and say (in a voice that Lillian will definitely hear), "It drives me CRAZY when she goes to her friends' houses and comes back feeling all entitled to whatever she wants! She better get this figured out if she EVER wants me to say yes to a friend's house again!!!" Mom, if you're reading this from up there, I apologize for not using "I feel" sentences and talking it out with my daughter. I know you taught me better than that.
and Brielle is in this phase of scream/crying about everything. like, for real, everything. falling and almost breaking a bone? scream/cry. a tiny ant on the ground? scream/cry. wanting a toy that her sister has (after being the one to GIVE it to her sister 30 seconds before)? scream/cry. spilling her snack on the ground? scream/cry. huge ever-growing bugbite on her back? scream/cry. everything. so when that scream/cry wakes me up at some point in my trying-to-make-the-day-feel-shorter excessive morning sleep, it's much easier to just open the door to my room (which she's right outside of, because she's ALWAYS right outside my door) and yell "DON'T SCREAM LIKE THAT! JUST DON'T DO IT! YOU CAN NOT SCREAM LIKE THAT IN THIS HOUSE!!!!!" and slam the door closed and hope that the mom-in-her-undies-with-morning-breath combo will be enough to scare the screams out of her for good.
and I'm not joking when I say she's always outside my door. you know that picture on facebook of the bathroom door with the little baby fingers sticking out from under it and the caption "they will find you...." or somehting??? ok, that's my real life, with an almost FIVE year old! she sits outside the bathroom door while I pee. every time. with my other kids I could always say "mommy needs to go to the bathroom a minute!" and since they were (and still are) obsessive about privacy, they got it. and I could take a breather. not so with this one. she's been sticking her fingers under the door for almost five years now. every. time. she's the one who wants to be by my side and all up in my space at all times. and not only that, she thinks that if she's armslength away from me at any given moment, then her stuffed animals want to be all up in my space. cuddling in my neck and stuff, which they know is my insanity-inducing area. They are NOT allowed to cuddle in my neck. only daddy is. but, you know, it must not count for shoving stuffed animals in the forbidden area. and it's so sweet and cute and she's growing up so fast and it's so cute she's my baby and GET THAT SPARKLY TURTLE OUT OF MY NECK!!!!!
part of what May such a hard month is that I got really selfish. I'm having a hard time balancing this whole "selfless heart" (which every mother needs to have if she wants to avoid a total meltdown from doing everything for everybody) thing, with the "mommy doesn't have to do EVERYTHING for you" mentality (which every mother needs to have if she wants to avoid a total meltdown from doing everything for everybody). I do think it's good for kids to learn how to do stuff on their own! but I also feel like I should find a little more joy in serving my family than I do right now. and it's only gotten worse in June since we're together all day every day.
When I mention the fact that my kids are making me question my sanity to my friends, I often hear "ALREADY???" and I say YES! because we aren't used to being with each other 24/7! that's a lot of sweaty hair and stinky feet and elbows in the way and toy sharing and snack finding. it'll be much easier in a month when we have figured out how to not drive each other crazy, right? and GOD BLESS THE HOMESCHOOLING MOMS who do this year round. I live in a 'circle' that's heavy in the homeschooling world. and y'all must be way better people than me. way better. because I'm ready for fall.
now listen here. I love these kids. sometimes it brings me to tears how much I love them. if you could see inside my heart you would see this thing you couldn't really describe but it would be blazing with love for them. we're just in that phase of trying to figure this whole summer thing out (again). they probably want time away as much as I do. and is it just me or is EVERYBODY going on awesome vacations this year? is it because I'm mourning the fact that my 10 year anniversary trip to Mexico turned into a new shower so that our whole bathroom didn't cave into the garage? because I swear, since the day we got that shower, everyone started going on awesome vacations. or maybe that's just when I started noticing.
but in one month I'll be in Belize (which is a different kind of awesome vacation, but not really a vacation at all with the work we'll be doing) :) with someone else's kids, and I'll probably be a wreck without my own three. it seems a bit dysfunctional, when I think of it that way. the whole, can't live with them, can't live without them type of thing. but I guess that's why it's love. you put up with the hard stuff because of that thing in you that you can't explain. and if I have to be with three little people all day every day, then THESE are the three that I'd choose! hands down, face in my neck, absolutely positively.
These are the three I'd choose to try to survive summer with. just, um...let me pee in peace. :)
so that's where we are. up early.
the best part is that Josiah came down to the basement this morning, embroidery hoop in hand (we've started hand sewing, and so far they love it) and in a way that only a 6 year old can appreciate the hours before 8:00 am says, "Mama, can I sew with you???" and sat himself down right in front of my sewing machine and got to work on a gift he's making. :)
it's a good thing when I have those moments. and I need to make sure I document them, because otherwise all I'll remember is the long summer days when the kids fight with each other and how I join right in because I have to work really hard at being a GOOD parent, and it just seems like too much work lately. But I have to document the "mama, can I sew with you"s so that some day I'll say OH LOOK! there's proof that I tried! I tried to do fun things, to encourage creativity, to enjoy our time together, to have special things to do together!
because seriously, it's just way easier to join the 'fun' and be crabby. I know I've mentioned my "30-teen reaction" on here before, where I act like a sassy teenager even though I'm a thirty-something woman. its in full force these days, guys. full freaking force.
I'm just so good at being a lazy parent! when Lillian gets back from her friends house, it's like she has this realization that her life is HORRIBLE and her Mom is SO DEMANDING and nobody else's mom makes them unload the dishwasher and her siblings are just SO ANNOYING and her life is OVER because she has a reasonable bedtime, all of which she escaped from for a few hours at her friends house. In that situation it would be good parenting to sit her down and talk out her feelings and remind her why I have her help around the house, and why it's good that we give her responsibilities, and encourage her to have grace for her siblings. But it's so easy to just complain REALLY loudly to Steve and say (in a voice that Lillian will definitely hear), "It drives me CRAZY when she goes to her friends' houses and comes back feeling all entitled to whatever she wants! She better get this figured out if she EVER wants me to say yes to a friend's house again!!!" Mom, if you're reading this from up there, I apologize for not using "I feel" sentences and talking it out with my daughter. I know you taught me better than that.
and Brielle is in this phase of scream/crying about everything. like, for real, everything. falling and almost breaking a bone? scream/cry. a tiny ant on the ground? scream/cry. wanting a toy that her sister has (after being the one to GIVE it to her sister 30 seconds before)? scream/cry. spilling her snack on the ground? scream/cry. huge ever-growing bugbite on her back? scream/cry. everything. so when that scream/cry wakes me up at some point in my trying-to-make-the-day-feel-shorter excessive morning sleep, it's much easier to just open the door to my room (which she's right outside of, because she's ALWAYS right outside my door) and yell "DON'T SCREAM LIKE THAT! JUST DON'T DO IT! YOU CAN NOT SCREAM LIKE THAT IN THIS HOUSE!!!!!" and slam the door closed and hope that the mom-in-her-undies-with-morning-breath combo will be enough to scare the screams out of her for good.
and I'm not joking when I say she's always outside my door. you know that picture on facebook of the bathroom door with the little baby fingers sticking out from under it and the caption "they will find you...." or somehting??? ok, that's my real life, with an almost FIVE year old! she sits outside the bathroom door while I pee. every time. with my other kids I could always say "mommy needs to go to the bathroom a minute!" and since they were (and still are) obsessive about privacy, they got it. and I could take a breather. not so with this one. she's been sticking her fingers under the door for almost five years now. every. time. she's the one who wants to be by my side and all up in my space at all times. and not only that, she thinks that if she's armslength away from me at any given moment, then her stuffed animals want to be all up in my space. cuddling in my neck and stuff, which they know is my insanity-inducing area. They are NOT allowed to cuddle in my neck. only daddy is. but, you know, it must not count for shoving stuffed animals in the forbidden area. and it's so sweet and cute and she's growing up so fast and it's so cute she's my baby and GET THAT SPARKLY TURTLE OUT OF MY NECK!!!!!
part of what May such a hard month is that I got really selfish. I'm having a hard time balancing this whole "selfless heart" (which every mother needs to have if she wants to avoid a total meltdown from doing everything for everybody) thing, with the "mommy doesn't have to do EVERYTHING for you" mentality (which every mother needs to have if she wants to avoid a total meltdown from doing everything for everybody). I do think it's good for kids to learn how to do stuff on their own! but I also feel like I should find a little more joy in serving my family than I do right now. and it's only gotten worse in June since we're together all day every day.
When I mention the fact that my kids are making me question my sanity to my friends, I often hear "ALREADY???" and I say YES! because we aren't used to being with each other 24/7! that's a lot of sweaty hair and stinky feet and elbows in the way and toy sharing and snack finding. it'll be much easier in a month when we have figured out how to not drive each other crazy, right? and GOD BLESS THE HOMESCHOOLING MOMS who do this year round. I live in a 'circle' that's heavy in the homeschooling world. and y'all must be way better people than me. way better. because I'm ready for fall.
now listen here. I love these kids. sometimes it brings me to tears how much I love them. if you could see inside my heart you would see this thing you couldn't really describe but it would be blazing with love for them. we're just in that phase of trying to figure this whole summer thing out (again). they probably want time away as much as I do. and is it just me or is EVERYBODY going on awesome vacations this year? is it because I'm mourning the fact that my 10 year anniversary trip to Mexico turned into a new shower so that our whole bathroom didn't cave into the garage? because I swear, since the day we got that shower, everyone started going on awesome vacations. or maybe that's just when I started noticing.
but in one month I'll be in Belize (which is a different kind of awesome vacation, but not really a vacation at all with the work we'll be doing) :) with someone else's kids, and I'll probably be a wreck without my own three. it seems a bit dysfunctional, when I think of it that way. the whole, can't live with them, can't live without them type of thing. but I guess that's why it's love. you put up with the hard stuff because of that thing in you that you can't explain. and if I have to be with three little people all day every day, then THESE are the three that I'd choose! hands down, face in my neck, absolutely positively.
These are the three I'd choose to try to survive summer with. just, um...let me pee in peace. :)
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
the debt reduction diaries: May
well gosh, we're almost halfway in to June already, but I suppose when I look back on our debt reduction I'll want to know how it went it May.
It's hard to know what to write and what to skip.
May was really hard on me emotionally, for lots of reason.
it wasn't all bad though...we had a HUGE delivery of tons of fresh fruit and such from Steve's parents, plus we had also been given some gift certificates to Aldi (where we do most of our grocery shopping) at the end of April which we were able to use in May. so awesome.
It baffles me that somehow we still ended up SCROUNGING around for food at the end when we had so much more to work with throughout the entire month. but that's just proof that you spend what you have for, no matter what.
but it's a really good thing that we had all that extra because I was just in a really hard place for the month of May and obviously didn't focus very hard on meal planning. I was feeling really burnt out by the pinkadink, discouraged that I feel like I work so hard for hardly any money. (I've since raised my prices a bit, if you haven't noticed. I'm hoping that helps.) It's frustrating to see my business growing by leaps and bounds (I had a crazy dollar amount of sales last year, which was awesome, but also why I felt like I should have a little more in my pocket than I do, but my supply cost and all that is obviously too high for me to make money...)
and speaking of money in my pocket, we went to tulip festival with ZERO dollars in our pockets. Grandma bought a couple rides for each of the kids, and also had a house full of food like she does every year, so we didn't eat a single thing downtown. no schnew wagon, no poffertjes, no cheeseballs. nothin. and guess what! it was still fun!
The easy solution is for me to add money would be to daycare kids, but that's hard too. I don't like the "daycare setting" that i've had before where I run myself ragged all day trying to keep up with all the kids in my care, and then find myself with NO ENERGY at the end of the day for sewing. Plus, it would have to be the perfect match for a family to choose me to take care of their kids. I'm not licensed, have to drive kids for drop off and pickup every day at preschool, and don't have a "play area" in my house, since I took it over with sewing equipment. :) With Maddie here the girls just play in the living room, play outside, or in Brielle's room. and it's not a big deal bc it's just like I have an extra kid in my family. :) but if I added more, I would only want ONE kid, so I wouldn't have to get licensed, the parents would have to not care if I drive their kid around every day, and the parents would have to be okay with it being short term, since I am hoping to be done with daycare after Brielle goes to kindergarten. so, it would likely have to be someone contacting ME to ask, instead of me searching out someone to watch. so that's just not as easy as it sounds.
but of course I keep thinking that if God provides me with the perfect opportunity, it would be the best way for us to pay down our debt a little faster. it seems to be crawling right now. We finally got our snowball built and now it's just hanging out at around $300 a month, which doesn't go very far. Each month we have to pay out from our snowball anything that we were unable to budget for. Remember that our budget doesn't consist of anything except grocery, gas, and "other" which never lasts very long. So for example, when I had a bladder infection and had to go in for a test, we had to pay that bill out of our snowball, since it's nowhere else in the budget. and when Steve's car had to be fixed, we had to pay that hundred bucks (which was a miracle since we were first told it would be about $1200!!!) out of our snowball too. so when you chop the snowball in half from paying out other things, it doesn't go very far.
we also were not approved for our refinancing, which was really discouraging to me. our house had a REALLY low appraisal, and so in order to get the loan, we'd have to come up with almost $3000 in closing costs. well that doesn't exactly fit into our plan with only a $1000 emergency fund. so, we lost the 3.375% interest rate we were locked in at, and had a huge pity party that we won't be able to save $140 a month on our house payment after all. that was a sad sad sad day. and I'm still mad about our appraisal. I know there was a "drop" in the housing market, but it didn't seem to affect the value of our neighbor's house like it did ours, and I"m still bitter about it. that whole appraisal system is shady if you ask me. :)
so yeah, there ya have it. sucky month.
but we're past that. I'm "back in the saddle" after doing bare minimum for the pinkadink during May, and already having a great month so far. summer is in full gear which makes things tricky for getting pinkadink stuff done, but we'll just play it by ear for now.
oh, and we joined a sand volleyball team, which was the best way EVER to spend twenty of our "other" dollars last month, because we are finally doing something together that's super fun for both of us. :)
June finances are already getting very tricky, but you'll have to wait til next month's report to see how it all turns out! we're refusing to pay our "10 year anniversary date money" OR our snowball on the extra bills we got for this month, but now our plans to celebrate are all falling apart too. it's not looking good, but at least we get to live life together every day! :) I better go sew so I can pay those darn bills!
It's hard to know what to write and what to skip.
May was really hard on me emotionally, for lots of reason.
it wasn't all bad though...we had a HUGE delivery of tons of fresh fruit and such from Steve's parents, plus we had also been given some gift certificates to Aldi (where we do most of our grocery shopping) at the end of April which we were able to use in May. so awesome.
It baffles me that somehow we still ended up SCROUNGING around for food at the end when we had so much more to work with throughout the entire month. but that's just proof that you spend what you have for, no matter what.
but it's a really good thing that we had all that extra because I was just in a really hard place for the month of May and obviously didn't focus very hard on meal planning. I was feeling really burnt out by the pinkadink, discouraged that I feel like I work so hard for hardly any money. (I've since raised my prices a bit, if you haven't noticed. I'm hoping that helps.) It's frustrating to see my business growing by leaps and bounds (I had a crazy dollar amount of sales last year, which was awesome, but also why I felt like I should have a little more in my pocket than I do, but my supply cost and all that is obviously too high for me to make money...)
and speaking of money in my pocket, we went to tulip festival with ZERO dollars in our pockets. Grandma bought a couple rides for each of the kids, and also had a house full of food like she does every year, so we didn't eat a single thing downtown. no schnew wagon, no poffertjes, no cheeseballs. nothin. and guess what! it was still fun!
The easy solution is for me to add money would be to daycare kids, but that's hard too. I don't like the "daycare setting" that i've had before where I run myself ragged all day trying to keep up with all the kids in my care, and then find myself with NO ENERGY at the end of the day for sewing. Plus, it would have to be the perfect match for a family to choose me to take care of their kids. I'm not licensed, have to drive kids for drop off and pickup every day at preschool, and don't have a "play area" in my house, since I took it over with sewing equipment. :) With Maddie here the girls just play in the living room, play outside, or in Brielle's room. and it's not a big deal bc it's just like I have an extra kid in my family. :) but if I added more, I would only want ONE kid, so I wouldn't have to get licensed, the parents would have to not care if I drive their kid around every day, and the parents would have to be okay with it being short term, since I am hoping to be done with daycare after Brielle goes to kindergarten. so, it would likely have to be someone contacting ME to ask, instead of me searching out someone to watch. so that's just not as easy as it sounds.
but of course I keep thinking that if God provides me with the perfect opportunity, it would be the best way for us to pay down our debt a little faster. it seems to be crawling right now. We finally got our snowball built and now it's just hanging out at around $300 a month, which doesn't go very far. Each month we have to pay out from our snowball anything that we were unable to budget for. Remember that our budget doesn't consist of anything except grocery, gas, and "other" which never lasts very long. So for example, when I had a bladder infection and had to go in for a test, we had to pay that bill out of our snowball, since it's nowhere else in the budget. and when Steve's car had to be fixed, we had to pay that hundred bucks (which was a miracle since we were first told it would be about $1200!!!) out of our snowball too. so when you chop the snowball in half from paying out other things, it doesn't go very far.
we also were not approved for our refinancing, which was really discouraging to me. our house had a REALLY low appraisal, and so in order to get the loan, we'd have to come up with almost $3000 in closing costs. well that doesn't exactly fit into our plan with only a $1000 emergency fund. so, we lost the 3.375% interest rate we were locked in at, and had a huge pity party that we won't be able to save $140 a month on our house payment after all. that was a sad sad sad day. and I'm still mad about our appraisal. I know there was a "drop" in the housing market, but it didn't seem to affect the value of our neighbor's house like it did ours, and I"m still bitter about it. that whole appraisal system is shady if you ask me. :)
so yeah, there ya have it. sucky month.
but we're past that. I'm "back in the saddle" after doing bare minimum for the pinkadink during May, and already having a great month so far. summer is in full gear which makes things tricky for getting pinkadink stuff done, but we'll just play it by ear for now.
oh, and we joined a sand volleyball team, which was the best way EVER to spend twenty of our "other" dollars last month, because we are finally doing something together that's super fun for both of us. :)
June finances are already getting very tricky, but you'll have to wait til next month's report to see how it all turns out! we're refusing to pay our "10 year anniversary date money" OR our snowball on the extra bills we got for this month, but now our plans to celebrate are all falling apart too. it's not looking good, but at least we get to live life together every day! :) I better go sew so I can pay those darn bills!
Saturday, June 8, 2013
chain reaction
so the other day Brielle told me about a little zit on her back that
was hurting. I said, oh it's not a zit, just a little bugbite or
something. I was actually wondering if it was a spider bite but didn't
want to mention that since her 4 year old brain does enough imagining on
it's own.
well, today that "little bug bite" is HUGE and red and swollen and itchy and burning and painful.
so I take a picture (what did we DO before picture texting?!?!!?) and text it to our pediatrician who is awesome and goes to church with us and let's me facebook her and photo text her before having me come in to see her! she's out of state at a wedding but took the time to get all the info and let me know what to do, which is try to get the probable infection out by soaking the bite in hot water with epsom salt.
easy peasy. I'll just go grab the epsom salt.
not in the kids bathroom. not under the kitchen sink. hm....
I head to our bathroom sink and open it up to find that little pink tub thing they give you from the hospital when you have a baby FULL, like, to the BRIM, with water. and also a submerged hair straightener and curling iron. oh, and also a pack of HUGE maxi pads from my postpartum days almost FIVE years ago. see? there's a reason I kept those bad boys! if they had not soaked up a ridiculous amount of water, that little tub would not have been filled to the brim with water, it would have RUINED our whole little vanity thing, costing us who knows how much to replace.
and the best part? the "good" straightener (CHI) and the curling iron we actually use were propped up on top of something else, not where they belong, which means they were DRY! woot! see Steve??? there's a reason I don't put everything away in it's place! ;)
so, now we still have to figure out the leak, and find the epsom salt, but just when I felt VERY inconvenienced (today is my WORK day, Mommy can't help you, you have to wait til Daddy gets home...) I discovered that the one infected bug bite happened to save us from some major spending!!!
(now, let's just pray we can get this infection under control or we'll be visiting urgent care on our date night tonight. boo....)
well, today that "little bug bite" is HUGE and red and swollen and itchy and burning and painful.
so I take a picture (what did we DO before picture texting?!?!!?) and text it to our pediatrician who is awesome and goes to church with us and let's me facebook her and photo text her before having me come in to see her! she's out of state at a wedding but took the time to get all the info and let me know what to do, which is try to get the probable infection out by soaking the bite in hot water with epsom salt.
easy peasy. I'll just go grab the epsom salt.
not in the kids bathroom. not under the kitchen sink. hm....
I head to our bathroom sink and open it up to find that little pink tub thing they give you from the hospital when you have a baby FULL, like, to the BRIM, with water. and also a submerged hair straightener and curling iron. oh, and also a pack of HUGE maxi pads from my postpartum days almost FIVE years ago. see? there's a reason I kept those bad boys! if they had not soaked up a ridiculous amount of water, that little tub would not have been filled to the brim with water, it would have RUINED our whole little vanity thing, costing us who knows how much to replace.
and the best part? the "good" straightener (CHI) and the curling iron we actually use were propped up on top of something else, not where they belong, which means they were DRY! woot! see Steve??? there's a reason I don't put everything away in it's place! ;)
so, now we still have to figure out the leak, and find the epsom salt, but just when I felt VERY inconvenienced (today is my WORK day, Mommy can't help you, you have to wait til Daddy gets home...) I discovered that the one infected bug bite happened to save us from some major spending!!!
(now, let's just pray we can get this infection under control or we'll be visiting urgent care on our date night tonight. boo....)
Monday, May 13, 2013
mother's day
mother's day is hard.
I know, I have three beautiful wonderful children, who shower me with homemade gifts and pictures and kind words. and a husband who always wants me to feel special as the mother of his children. my mother's day is always filled with blessings.
But in my heart, I feel like mother's day should be a day of celebrating MY mother, not ME as a mother. of course, if you talk to other people who have experienced loss, they'll have a different story. If I was the one struggling with infertility, I'd want to be celebrating ME as a mother. If I was the one who lost my child to SIDS or some other horrible reason, I'd feel robbed of the title of mother, especially on mother's day.
but it's not really fair to compare loss, is it. I had a great conversation a few weeks ago with a bunch of friends, and we'd all experinced loss of a different kind: SIDS, miscarriage, loss of adoption right at the end, loss of my mother. We started using phrases (or maybe even just thinking thoughts) like, "well, I can't even imagine losing a child who was already born." "well I can't even imagine not having my mom in my life!" you get the idea. It was all because we didn't want to discount anyone's feelings of loss. but right then someone said, "no...we can't compare loss. we've all felt the same types of feelings in the loss that seems greatest to us, and it's not something you can ever compare."
and that struck me...because I've compared. I was mad at the lady, who was my mom's age, who told us that she knew exactly how we felt when my mom died, because her dad had just died. and I felt like saying NO YOU DON'T!!! If you lost your mom 25 years ago, you would know. your dad was OLD and he wasn't your MOM! and a girl needs her mom!!! But I also go the other way...when people lose children I think I better not say anything to them because I've never felt that kind of loss before and at least I got ______________ with my mom, and my children are still here!
it's a constant battle in my heart, to validate my own feelings, but also not wanting to be "that lady" to anyone else experiencing loss. but we are always comparing loss, aren't we, instead of just recognizing that it's the worst emotional pain anyone could possibly experience, no matter what the circumstance. and because of all the different types of loss that revolve around motherhood, it's really pretty risky to put the HAPPY in front of the Mother's Day part.
Yesterday I tried really hard to just enjoy my role as a mother. and my people were so good to me. The forgave me for getting crabby (again) in the morning and nag-nag-nagging them to get their buns in gear and get ready for church. They took me to eat at chipotle, my fave. They gave me a nice long quiet nap with Steve, the take-your-pants-off-and-really-sleep type of nap. They allowed me to cancel our walk to the park and instead work in the garden, getting it ready to add plants soon. We got $1 jamocha shakes from Arby's for supper (don't judge. we also ate fruit.) :) and snuggled up on the couch together to end the day.
and I felt blessed. really truly blessed.
but then the kids went to bed, I caught up on reading blogs, and suddenly all my feelings caught up with me.
my friend gave me a big hug first thing in the morning at church, like she does EVERY YEAR on mother's day, telling me that she was thinking about me. and it was like I had to remove my heart from my body for a minute, because I wasn't ready to let myself feel yet. and then later another friend sent me a little message to "motherless daughters" and I let myself cry, but only a few tears. and then later we called my step-mom, and Steve's mom, and Steve's mom's mom, to wish them all a Happy Mother's Day, and I held it together, barely.
but once I made it to my bed, where it was dark and safe and quiet, all the feelings of the day that I'd stuffed down so far started leaking out in the form of tears. and I just cried. I cried and cried and could NOT stop for anything. my sweet husband didn't say a word, and just held me while I cried for my mom.
I cried because I remember so many things about her. I cried because I'm forgetting things about her. I cried for the hand that was supposed to be on my forehead and wiping my tears at that very moment. I cried for all the days that I've felt sick because no matter how old you are you still want your mom when you're sick. I cried for the words of encouragement she gave me as a mother, making me feel like I was the best, even though I'd only just begun. I cried for my kids who never even got to see that smile, and for the one who did, but wasn't old enough to remember. I cried for all the times I think for a split second, "I should call my mom" before I realize I can't. I cried for the fact that she never knew that I love to sew. I cried for all the images I have in my head of her so sick. so very sick. I cried for the fact that sometimes that's still how I remember her. I cried for her light pink fingernails and always-too-long toenails. I cried for family game nights without her, for no more hilarious nights of watching her play Taboo. I cried for my aunt who lost her sister and best friend. I cried for my sisters who never got her in the room when their babies were born. I cried for my brother and my sisters who never got or will get to have the MOB or MOG role filled at their weddings. I cried for the memories of coming home to her house, with seasonal decorations out, and arms open for a hug. I cried for all the people she could have brought closer to Jesus, because she was just really good at that. I cried for the smell of her coffee breath and mugs on every single flat surface of that house. I cried because I don't like coffee and I wish I did bc that was such a big part of her. I cried because I don't look like her and no one will ever say "you must be Sharon's daughter!" like they do to my sister. and I cried because it's not getting better, and it's not getting easier, even after six and a half years.
and I cried because mother's day was supposed to be about HER, not me.
and so that day I compared my loss to everyone else's, just for a moment, and think about how my loss is worse than everyone else's loss in the whole entire world. because to me, it is. and I allowed myself to realize how very lonely it is to not have a mother on mother's day. and I hope that everyone else who feels loss of any kind allowed themselves the same luxury. We're allowed to feel hurt, we're allowed to feel jipped, no matter what our story is. I am one very blessed mother, and I'll always love mother's day for that.
but I'll also allow myself to cry, for the memories, the hurts, the wishes, and the love that I'm missing out on.
miss you mom, on Mother's Day and every day.
I know, I have three beautiful wonderful children, who shower me with homemade gifts and pictures and kind words. and a husband who always wants me to feel special as the mother of his children. my mother's day is always filled with blessings.
But in my heart, I feel like mother's day should be a day of celebrating MY mother, not ME as a mother. of course, if you talk to other people who have experienced loss, they'll have a different story. If I was the one struggling with infertility, I'd want to be celebrating ME as a mother. If I was the one who lost my child to SIDS or some other horrible reason, I'd feel robbed of the title of mother, especially on mother's day.
but it's not really fair to compare loss, is it. I had a great conversation a few weeks ago with a bunch of friends, and we'd all experinced loss of a different kind: SIDS, miscarriage, loss of adoption right at the end, loss of my mother. We started using phrases (or maybe even just thinking thoughts) like, "well, I can't even imagine losing a child who was already born." "well I can't even imagine not having my mom in my life!" you get the idea. It was all because we didn't want to discount anyone's feelings of loss. but right then someone said, "no...we can't compare loss. we've all felt the same types of feelings in the loss that seems greatest to us, and it's not something you can ever compare."
and that struck me...because I've compared. I was mad at the lady, who was my mom's age, who told us that she knew exactly how we felt when my mom died, because her dad had just died. and I felt like saying NO YOU DON'T!!! If you lost your mom 25 years ago, you would know. your dad was OLD and he wasn't your MOM! and a girl needs her mom!!! But I also go the other way...when people lose children I think I better not say anything to them because I've never felt that kind of loss before and at least I got ______________ with my mom, and my children are still here!
it's a constant battle in my heart, to validate my own feelings, but also not wanting to be "that lady" to anyone else experiencing loss. but we are always comparing loss, aren't we, instead of just recognizing that it's the worst emotional pain anyone could possibly experience, no matter what the circumstance. and because of all the different types of loss that revolve around motherhood, it's really pretty risky to put the HAPPY in front of the Mother's Day part.
Yesterday I tried really hard to just enjoy my role as a mother. and my people were so good to me. The forgave me for getting crabby (again) in the morning and nag-nag-nagging them to get their buns in gear and get ready for church. They took me to eat at chipotle, my fave. They gave me a nice long quiet nap with Steve, the take-your-pants-off-and-really-sleep type of nap. They allowed me to cancel our walk to the park and instead work in the garden, getting it ready to add plants soon. We got $1 jamocha shakes from Arby's for supper (don't judge. we also ate fruit.) :) and snuggled up on the couch together to end the day.
and I felt blessed. really truly blessed.
but then the kids went to bed, I caught up on reading blogs, and suddenly all my feelings caught up with me.
my friend gave me a big hug first thing in the morning at church, like she does EVERY YEAR on mother's day, telling me that she was thinking about me. and it was like I had to remove my heart from my body for a minute, because I wasn't ready to let myself feel yet. and then later another friend sent me a little message to "motherless daughters" and I let myself cry, but only a few tears. and then later we called my step-mom, and Steve's mom, and Steve's mom's mom, to wish them all a Happy Mother's Day, and I held it together, barely.
but once I made it to my bed, where it was dark and safe and quiet, all the feelings of the day that I'd stuffed down so far started leaking out in the form of tears. and I just cried. I cried and cried and could NOT stop for anything. my sweet husband didn't say a word, and just held me while I cried for my mom.
I cried because I remember so many things about her. I cried because I'm forgetting things about her. I cried for the hand that was supposed to be on my forehead and wiping my tears at that very moment. I cried for all the days that I've felt sick because no matter how old you are you still want your mom when you're sick. I cried for the words of encouragement she gave me as a mother, making me feel like I was the best, even though I'd only just begun. I cried for my kids who never even got to see that smile, and for the one who did, but wasn't old enough to remember. I cried for all the times I think for a split second, "I should call my mom" before I realize I can't. I cried for the fact that she never knew that I love to sew. I cried for all the images I have in my head of her so sick. so very sick. I cried for the fact that sometimes that's still how I remember her. I cried for her light pink fingernails and always-too-long toenails. I cried for family game nights without her, for no more hilarious nights of watching her play Taboo. I cried for my aunt who lost her sister and best friend. I cried for my sisters who never got her in the room when their babies were born. I cried for my brother and my sisters who never got or will get to have the MOB or MOG role filled at their weddings. I cried for the memories of coming home to her house, with seasonal decorations out, and arms open for a hug. I cried for all the people she could have brought closer to Jesus, because she was just really good at that. I cried for the smell of her coffee breath and mugs on every single flat surface of that house. I cried because I don't like coffee and I wish I did bc that was such a big part of her. I cried because I don't look like her and no one will ever say "you must be Sharon's daughter!" like they do to my sister. and I cried because it's not getting better, and it's not getting easier, even after six and a half years.
and I cried because mother's day was supposed to be about HER, not me.
and so that day I compared my loss to everyone else's, just for a moment, and think about how my loss is worse than everyone else's loss in the whole entire world. because to me, it is. and I allowed myself to realize how very lonely it is to not have a mother on mother's day. and I hope that everyone else who feels loss of any kind allowed themselves the same luxury. We're allowed to feel hurt, we're allowed to feel jipped, no matter what our story is. I am one very blessed mother, and I'll always love mother's day for that.
but I'll also allow myself to cry, for the memories, the hurts, the wishes, and the love that I'm missing out on.
miss you mom, on Mother's Day and every day.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
the debt reduction diaries: april showers
when it rains, it pours, right? well, April poured.
poured down MONEY, that is!!!! it's really crazy.
April was the month where all the sacrificing finally "paid off," literally!
It started with a rockin' tax return, which I know, according to Dave Ramsey, is NOT a good thing, but for the Hydeens, it is, and here's why. Steve and I both have a bunch of random sources of income that does not get taxes taken out. He does 88improv, some random commercial gigs, and music lessons (well, he used to anyway). And I do daycare, the pinkadink, and a little photography. so when you add all those together, and then take out our taxes, we don't want to run the risk of having to pay IN, so we always take out as much as we can from Steve's "real job" checks. So depending on the year, and how "successful" our little business endeavors were, we either get a little tax return or a big one, just because we have to make sure that we don't have to pay. Well, this year was a big one! (it acutally means that the pinkadink wasn't very successful financially, even though I had gobs and gobs and gobs of orders. I also had gobs and gobs and gobs of expenses, which I'm trying to fix for 2013.). so anyway, we got a whoppin auto-deposit from the government. At first it felt a little like a hand-out, and like it was sort of "cheating" with our debt payoff, since it was an amount of money that doesn't NORMALLY just show up in your bank account. But I soon realized that we busted our BUTTS all year for that money, and it was just being witheld for a while, but we very much deserved every penny because we earned it!!!
we had also gotten a random check from Steve's grandma, who on occasion just sends us mail that says, "here's some money. sent some to all the grandkids." so we used that to pay off the van, and our snowball officially started!!! woooooooo hooooooooo!!!!
we used our tax return to pay off our credit card, which wasn't a very high monthly payment, so it didn't add a huge amount to our snowball, but still...it's paid off, and we're done dealing with a 23.99% interest rate on that baby. woooooooo hoooooo!!!!!
and also, we are being total grown ups right now about everything. We are going to open an HSA with our bank, so that our medical expenses will be paid for pre-tax, which is awesome since we both go to the chiropractor once a month, and whenever we have to refill Lillian's inhalers and epi pens, I want to cry about how much it costs.
and we ALSO are in the process of refinancing our home mortgage, which will save us $140 a month, which we'll just stick right into our snowball! (are you catching this? we went from no snowball to 3 amounts in our snowball within one month!!!) plus, I have heard that when the refinancing goes through we'll have a month where they skip a payment, so we'll be able to use one house payment toward debt too! and that will probably knock off one of my small student loan debts which will add a few more bucks to the snowball! for real, people, this is happening!
AND, (I told you it was pouring!!) we got hit by a major hail storm in April. now, here's what happened... I knew that there was a chance for hail, so when we got home from the kids' school activity thing that night, I thought, "It might hail. I should put the van in the garage!" but, since the day before had been lovely weather, all the kids' bikes and scooters, etc were in my spot in the garage, for easy access. So then I thought, "well, it's already after 8, so I'll just get the kids in bed, come out and move the bikes, and then get the van in." well, by the time the kids got done with their nightly poop (seriously. every night. all at the same time. what is UP with that!!!!) and got their pjs on, I heard a big thunk. like, a BIG one. and by the time I figured out that it was hail and heard the second THUNK, it was too late. it was coming down HARD! so I RAN to the garage, throwing bikes to the other side of the garage, yelling for kids to MOVE out of my way, and looking a bit like the Tasmanian Devil I'm sure. and meanwhile, my children are screaming bloody murder because they know my plan is to run out in the life threatening hail to get the van inside. and then I realized that it was pretty stupid to traumatize my kids for LIFE just to avoid a few dings on a van that's already 11 years old with 167,000 miles. so I came inside and hugged my kids instead, and assured them that the hail was NOT going to slam through the roof and pelt us in the noggin, even though I was not quite certain of that myself. long story short (well, not that short I guess...), the van is totaled, so we get $3500 for it! sa-weet! best life saving decision I've ever made! I can handle driving a van with a bazillion dents in the hood and roof during it's last couple years (we hope!) of life, while we save up for a new one.
now, I'm half tempted to use that money to knock off some more debt, but we figure we had better use it to start a 'new vehicle fund' for when this old thing bites the dust. and since we don't want to have another car payment when it happens, we had better figure out how to build that fund asap. so that's what we're doing with it. how boring. :) unless, of course, we need to use it to pay our deductible on our HOUSE, which needs a new roof after the storm as well. Two different roofers said they felt like they were going to fall through our roof and into our house when they were doing their estimates. so, I guess getting a new roof for $716 isn't something I should be complaining about, except for the fact that I don't want to pay $716 on that. oh well. this might be the only time I've ever liked insurance companies! :)
ok, so the plan is just to get all the money gone from our accounts as soon as possible, because heaven knows Chipotle calls my name REALLY LOUDLY when there's "extra" money in the account. :) so far we're NOT going to raise our grocery budget (although that's in under debate right now, since Steve and I are both feeling really tired and unmotivated lately. might be the lack of fresh foods....or the weather, for pete's sake!!!), and just carry on as if April never existed, so we can stick with the plan!
other awesomeness this month? you people! now, here's the deal. I know I said before that I do NOT write this blog to make anyone feel like they should give us the things we're sacrificing or send us money or anything! it's just a place for me to be honest and talk about what sucks and what we're doing to try make a difference in our lives. But nevertheless, I mention that I bid adieu to the lovely brown rice medley from Trader Joes, and low and behold TEN bags show up at my house within a couple days. (and to whoever it was, since I only know one of you...THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for the rice AND for the information that it's now only $1.99 a bag again! happy happy day!!!!) I mention that Josiah needs a haircut in a serious way, and there's a gift card on my front steps. I post a picture on fb of my empty fridge (which I was proud of, not concerned by!) and our friends show up with a box of produce (which was the only thing I didn't know how to pull off for the final two days of April without going over budget, which I was fully prepared to do later that day). and then our neighbor (sorta) brought us a huge bag of grains from their pantry (rice, quinoa, oats) because they have some serious food intolerances in that family, and can't eat GRAINS!!! you people continue to bless us, while at the same time making me really feel like I need to sensor what I put on here because I'm NOT A MOOCH!!! :)
the only thing I'm rather disappointed in, is that no one managed to deliver a five pound weight loss to my door step when I complained about gaining five pounds. could someone PLEASE get on that??? :)
It's acutally really funny, the weight loss thing, because I was listening to the Dave Ramsey show this past week and some girl was on there saying how she lost 30 pounds in her debt payoff mode, because it just taught her discipline, which carried over into every part of her life! and I was like DUDE, I agree, but I'm gaining weight!!! but the rest of my life is feeling much more disciplined, which is crazy for me!!! but I think maybe the food we're eating is what's causing my weight gain, which is sad, and another reason that I just might want to up our budget a little in the near future, now that we have a teensy bit of wiggle room. we shall see....
The best thing about April though, is that it doesn't feel as good as I thought it would! and yes, that's a good thing! I was beginning to think that maybe I was getting a little obsessed with money and spending and grocery budgets and all that. and I really wanted God to be working in my heart to help me NOT allow this GOOD thing to become an idol. that's what usually gets me, ya know. I idolize my husband, my family, my productivity. all of those are good things, until they become my IDOL. and I felt like I could feel the penny-pinching-idol 'infant' growing into a penny-pinching-idol 'toddler.'
so it feels good to know that it doesn't feel as good as I THOUGHT it would to be at this point where we actually can see the progress we've made. I think it's evidence that I'm not allowing money to consume every single thought in my head, which is what I was hoping for, and working toward.
now, of course I still think about it. it's part of being a 'gazelle.' :) I still thank God for every single day that we have food to eat. I still want to bring ziplock baggies to the elementary school when I eat there, so I can take all the fruits and veggies off the kids' plates before they THROW THEM AWAY!!! :( and I still nag steve about not eating TWO breakfasts (can I give this bagel to Brielle since you're eating oatmeal right now?), or packing TWO oranges in his lunch. (honey, why do you have 2? that second orange is not going to FILL you up, but it could be the entire fruit portion of someone else's lunch! and blah blah blah and nag nag nag...) but it's necessary, kind of, since he's not offering to switch roles with me and try to figure out how to make $300 a month work. :) (and he's being SUPER supportive and helpful and not complaining about he doesn't get to do anything throughout this whole process, in case that hasn't come across in these blogs. he's the best. ever.) It has to be on my mind in order for this to work, but it doesn't have to consume my whole mind and my every thought.
so yeah, april showers bring may flowers, right? We got the downpour in April, and I can't wait to see what May will bring. It's really exciting, after so many long weeks and months of sacrifice, to see the the progress with your own two eyes. so, while I am ready for any amount of real snow that could possibly be turned into a snowball to LEAVE FOR GOOD, I'm hoping to see our DEBT snowball continue to grow! woot!
(did anyone even read this whole thing? that was a long one...) :)
poured down MONEY, that is!!!! it's really crazy.
April was the month where all the sacrificing finally "paid off," literally!
It started with a rockin' tax return, which I know, according to Dave Ramsey, is NOT a good thing, but for the Hydeens, it is, and here's why. Steve and I both have a bunch of random sources of income that does not get taxes taken out. He does 88improv, some random commercial gigs, and music lessons (well, he used to anyway). And I do daycare, the pinkadink, and a little photography. so when you add all those together, and then take out our taxes, we don't want to run the risk of having to pay IN, so we always take out as much as we can from Steve's "real job" checks. So depending on the year, and how "successful" our little business endeavors were, we either get a little tax return or a big one, just because we have to make sure that we don't have to pay. Well, this year was a big one! (it acutally means that the pinkadink wasn't very successful financially, even though I had gobs and gobs and gobs of orders. I also had gobs and gobs and gobs of expenses, which I'm trying to fix for 2013.). so anyway, we got a whoppin auto-deposit from the government. At first it felt a little like a hand-out, and like it was sort of "cheating" with our debt payoff, since it was an amount of money that doesn't NORMALLY just show up in your bank account. But I soon realized that we busted our BUTTS all year for that money, and it was just being witheld for a while, but we very much deserved every penny because we earned it!!!
we had also gotten a random check from Steve's grandma, who on occasion just sends us mail that says, "here's some money. sent some to all the grandkids." so we used that to pay off the van, and our snowball officially started!!! woooooooo hooooooooo!!!!
we used our tax return to pay off our credit card, which wasn't a very high monthly payment, so it didn't add a huge amount to our snowball, but still...it's paid off, and we're done dealing with a 23.99% interest rate on that baby. woooooooo hoooooo!!!!!
and also, we are being total grown ups right now about everything. We are going to open an HSA with our bank, so that our medical expenses will be paid for pre-tax, which is awesome since we both go to the chiropractor once a month, and whenever we have to refill Lillian's inhalers and epi pens, I want to cry about how much it costs.
and we ALSO are in the process of refinancing our home mortgage, which will save us $140 a month, which we'll just stick right into our snowball! (are you catching this? we went from no snowball to 3 amounts in our snowball within one month!!!) plus, I have heard that when the refinancing goes through we'll have a month where they skip a payment, so we'll be able to use one house payment toward debt too! and that will probably knock off one of my small student loan debts which will add a few more bucks to the snowball! for real, people, this is happening!
AND, (I told you it was pouring!!) we got hit by a major hail storm in April. now, here's what happened... I knew that there was a chance for hail, so when we got home from the kids' school activity thing that night, I thought, "It might hail. I should put the van in the garage!" but, since the day before had been lovely weather, all the kids' bikes and scooters, etc were in my spot in the garage, for easy access. So then I thought, "well, it's already after 8, so I'll just get the kids in bed, come out and move the bikes, and then get the van in." well, by the time the kids got done with their nightly poop (seriously. every night. all at the same time. what is UP with that!!!!) and got their pjs on, I heard a big thunk. like, a BIG one. and by the time I figured out that it was hail and heard the second THUNK, it was too late. it was coming down HARD! so I RAN to the garage, throwing bikes to the other side of the garage, yelling for kids to MOVE out of my way, and looking a bit like the Tasmanian Devil I'm sure. and meanwhile, my children are screaming bloody murder because they know my plan is to run out in the life threatening hail to get the van inside. and then I realized that it was pretty stupid to traumatize my kids for LIFE just to avoid a few dings on a van that's already 11 years old with 167,000 miles. so I came inside and hugged my kids instead, and assured them that the hail was NOT going to slam through the roof and pelt us in the noggin, even though I was not quite certain of that myself. long story short (well, not that short I guess...), the van is totaled, so we get $3500 for it! sa-weet! best life saving decision I've ever made! I can handle driving a van with a bazillion dents in the hood and roof during it's last couple years (we hope!) of life, while we save up for a new one.
now, I'm half tempted to use that money to knock off some more debt, but we figure we had better use it to start a 'new vehicle fund' for when this old thing bites the dust. and since we don't want to have another car payment when it happens, we had better figure out how to build that fund asap. so that's what we're doing with it. how boring. :) unless, of course, we need to use it to pay our deductible on our HOUSE, which needs a new roof after the storm as well. Two different roofers said they felt like they were going to fall through our roof and into our house when they were doing their estimates. so, I guess getting a new roof for $716 isn't something I should be complaining about, except for the fact that I don't want to pay $716 on that. oh well. this might be the only time I've ever liked insurance companies! :)
ok, so the plan is just to get all the money gone from our accounts as soon as possible, because heaven knows Chipotle calls my name REALLY LOUDLY when there's "extra" money in the account. :) so far we're NOT going to raise our grocery budget (although that's in under debate right now, since Steve and I are both feeling really tired and unmotivated lately. might be the lack of fresh foods....or the weather, for pete's sake!!!), and just carry on as if April never existed, so we can stick with the plan!
other awesomeness this month? you people! now, here's the deal. I know I said before that I do NOT write this blog to make anyone feel like they should give us the things we're sacrificing or send us money or anything! it's just a place for me to be honest and talk about what sucks and what we're doing to try make a difference in our lives. But nevertheless, I mention that I bid adieu to the lovely brown rice medley from Trader Joes, and low and behold TEN bags show up at my house within a couple days. (and to whoever it was, since I only know one of you...THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for the rice AND for the information that it's now only $1.99 a bag again! happy happy day!!!!) I mention that Josiah needs a haircut in a serious way, and there's a gift card on my front steps. I post a picture on fb of my empty fridge (which I was proud of, not concerned by!) and our friends show up with a box of produce (which was the only thing I didn't know how to pull off for the final two days of April without going over budget, which I was fully prepared to do later that day). and then our neighbor (sorta) brought us a huge bag of grains from their pantry (rice, quinoa, oats) because they have some serious food intolerances in that family, and can't eat GRAINS!!! you people continue to bless us, while at the same time making me really feel like I need to sensor what I put on here because I'm NOT A MOOCH!!! :)
the only thing I'm rather disappointed in, is that no one managed to deliver a five pound weight loss to my door step when I complained about gaining five pounds. could someone PLEASE get on that??? :)
It's acutally really funny, the weight loss thing, because I was listening to the Dave Ramsey show this past week and some girl was on there saying how she lost 30 pounds in her debt payoff mode, because it just taught her discipline, which carried over into every part of her life! and I was like DUDE, I agree, but I'm gaining weight!!! but the rest of my life is feeling much more disciplined, which is crazy for me!!! but I think maybe the food we're eating is what's causing my weight gain, which is sad, and another reason that I just might want to up our budget a little in the near future, now that we have a teensy bit of wiggle room. we shall see....
The best thing about April though, is that it doesn't feel as good as I thought it would! and yes, that's a good thing! I was beginning to think that maybe I was getting a little obsessed with money and spending and grocery budgets and all that. and I really wanted God to be working in my heart to help me NOT allow this GOOD thing to become an idol. that's what usually gets me, ya know. I idolize my husband, my family, my productivity. all of those are good things, until they become my IDOL. and I felt like I could feel the penny-pinching-idol 'infant' growing into a penny-pinching-idol 'toddler.'
so it feels good to know that it doesn't feel as good as I THOUGHT it would to be at this point where we actually can see the progress we've made. I think it's evidence that I'm not allowing money to consume every single thought in my head, which is what I was hoping for, and working toward.
now, of course I still think about it. it's part of being a 'gazelle.' :) I still thank God for every single day that we have food to eat. I still want to bring ziplock baggies to the elementary school when I eat there, so I can take all the fruits and veggies off the kids' plates before they THROW THEM AWAY!!! :( and I still nag steve about not eating TWO breakfasts (can I give this bagel to Brielle since you're eating oatmeal right now?), or packing TWO oranges in his lunch. (honey, why do you have 2? that second orange is not going to FILL you up, but it could be the entire fruit portion of someone else's lunch! and blah blah blah and nag nag nag...) but it's necessary, kind of, since he's not offering to switch roles with me and try to figure out how to make $300 a month work. :) (and he's being SUPER supportive and helpful and not complaining about he doesn't get to do anything throughout this whole process, in case that hasn't come across in these blogs. he's the best. ever.) It has to be on my mind in order for this to work, but it doesn't have to consume my whole mind and my every thought.
so yeah, april showers bring may flowers, right? We got the downpour in April, and I can't wait to see what May will bring. It's really exciting, after so many long weeks and months of sacrifice, to see the the progress with your own two eyes. so, while I am ready for any amount of real snow that could possibly be turned into a snowball to LEAVE FOR GOOD, I'm hoping to see our DEBT snowball continue to grow! woot!
(did anyone even read this whole thing? that was a long one...) :)
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Hydeens to Belize: Sara Crane Cakes raffle
I totally wish I wasn't me, so that I could enter to win this cake:
click the link below to find out how YOU can win it and share it with me. :)
http://www.youcaring.com/mission-trip-fundraiser/hydeens-to-belize-sara-crane-cakes-raffle/55468
click the link below to find out how YOU can win it and share it with me. :)
http://www.youcaring.com/mission-trip-fundraiser/hydeens-to-belize-sara-crane-cakes-raffle/55468
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