Monday, April 5, 2010

I want what she has

This past weekend Erika (Steve's sister) got married, so most of our thoughts this Easter weekend were admittedly consumed by wedding-ness.

But last weekend we had the chance to do a few intentional Easter things to help remember the greatest gift ever given. We went to Christ Community Church, where I attend MOPS, and they had "stations" set up to make little crafts and learn a bit more about the easter story. So we stayed for a while and made some sand art things, learned how to make pretzels (and the three loops representing the Father, son, and holy spirit), and made some Easter placemats. And then, before we left, we stopped in the chapel to watch the video about the death of Jesus through the eyes of a child.

While watching the video, Lillian was really affected. She sat and cried and snuggled into her daddy's chest, not understanding why anyone would ever do such things to another person. She's always been a very sensitive girl, so I shouldn't have been surprised. But I guess I was. And that's what bothers me the most. I was surprised that it touched my five year old that way because to me, the story of the cross has seemingly become just that. a story.

I grew up hearing the story a million times. I've always understood that it was for me, and that I didn't deserve it, but I got it anyway. And that I could live because Christ died for me. And that he rose again, and conquered death, and the miracle of it all.

I still get emotional, quite frequently, actually, just thinking about the fact that it was for me. Little old dirty rotten sinful me. But if I'm honest, THAT'S what the emotion is about. Not necessarily WHAT he did, or what he WENT through, but just the fact that it was for me, *which I think is a really important part of it, still.*

But I want what Lillian has. I want fresh eyes, seeing the pain, the cruelty, the blood. When I think about him dying for me, I want to see it in full.

I remember this happening before too. When we first got our Jesus Storybook Bible (which you should all check out if you haven't already) we read that story. I think it was last year around Easter. And just the way the author writes had us all in tears. But that's not where it ended. For a while Lillian was having bad dreams about the death of Jesus, and it broke my heart.

So I've just realized this year that we need each other's eyes in all this. I need to see a bit more from her perspective, and the REALITY of it all. And she needs to see the best part, that we live FREE from our sin now, and forever in eternity. Because the "story" is real. And the love is real. And without one part or the other, you don't see the true miracle that it is.


jenlar3 said...

The story had become just a 'story" to me also, due to hearing it repeatedly since childhood. However, sometime in the in the early 90's I attended an Easter cantata for the first time and it all hit home to me. Everyone in the congregation was dressed up so pretty, the decorations very Spring-like, and the singing was lovely, so I was quite surprised, upset then HORRIFIED when they got to the scene where the crowd was yelling to "Crucify Him!" The choir really got into it and it sounded mean and ugly and it was no longer a STORY that I could read in a few lines on a page. It was REAL, and Brutal and MY FAULT. I sobbed as it suddenly struck home with me. And I have never forgotten it since.

(and my word verification is hangun...??!!)

cynthia said...

beautifully said as always Andrea! so good to get to be in your world this last weekend and to spend a little time with your precious Lillian! please give her a hug from me and tell her I hope I get a chance to listen to music with her again!
all your children are precious, but I know that is not new to your ears....cherish every moment and opportunity you have to lead them in the everlasting way....before you know it they will be having wedding weekends too! keep up the good work and never let go of the priceless call on your life in this season, to raise them in the fear and admonition of the Lord!
Big hugs/1Cor13

cynthia said...

fyi - cynthia = cindy/Will's mom