One Proud Mama

Hello all!

I know I have a few things to catch up on with this blog, but I wanted to share some video of my sweet girl's very first dance performance. :)

So here's a little of the story:

Melinda came up on Fri night to help me get ready for my vendor event for the pinkadink. I pulled my first ever (I'm pretty sure) all-nighter and have no idea where the time went. I don't think I EVER did that in college, and here I am a mom of three, staying up the WHOLE night. Mel stayed up with me, and then slept for a couple hours in the morning before we left. She was a wonderful help.

Saturday Mel and I worked the event while Steve handled all the kids, making sure Lillian got to her rehearsal, picking her up again, carting the kids around, cleaning the WHOLE kitchen (which was still a mess from supper the night before), and being superman. When we got back, we were DOG tired, and wanted to sleep. Maria and Tyler were going to be here soon with "baby Hazel" so Steve took the little kids to the grocery store to get some grillin stuff for supper. Mel and I zonked out while Maria and Tyler entertained Lillian I guess.

We got up, ate supper, put the kids to bed, and babysat Hazel while M&T went on a birthday date (happy birthday Maria!). After they got home we all pretty much went to bed. Oh! And somewhere in there Christa arrived too! I wasn't too tired to notice, but I was too tired to remember when it was. :)

So Sunday rolls around and Steve and I both teach sunday school. We get up pretty early thinking we have plenty of time to get everyone ready. nope. we were running way late, thought we were going to miss half our own Sunday school classes, but ended up getting there only about 10 minutes late. And somehow we don't have a speeding ticket from our trip there. amazing.

During church we had Maria, Tyler, Hazel, me, Steve, Lillian, Josiah, Brielle, Melinda, and Christa all in one row. I have no idea what the sermon was about except that it involved to weirdly named women who didn't get along. And if my pastor would ever read this, which I'm pretty sure he won't, I could not even feel bad for writing it. Because there's no way he doesn't know I was not paying attention. When you ahve that many people and kids in the second row, there's no hiding it.

After church we went to Red Robin for lunch. And then it was time for the performance...

Here are a couple short videos. Don't feel like you have to watch them all, but there are some aunties and uncles that didn't get to see the show, so they probably want to watch them all. (And...the song that she knew the BEST was on the video that's too big for blogger. So that's the one with the link to facebook.) For these videos, she kinda looks like she doesn't know what she's doing, but hey, she was definitely worshiping God. :)










For the one she knew really well, click here to see it on facebook (you might have to be my "friend" to see it. I can't figure out how to show everyone like I can do with the pictures)!

She was so fun to watch! I could tell she was really having fun, even if she was feeling a little insecure. :)

But the best part was at the end. After the group dance they all "followed the leader" and ran out the aisles to the back of the theater. And I saw Lillian get off the stage in the line, and then I scooted over to the aisle so I could give her a high five, but she never ran past me. So then all the big kids started running by me, and I had no idea where she was. So after they all passed, I quick stood up to see if she was still down by the stage. And there she was, all by herself, like the kid who doesn't know what to do after the children's sermon at church. Except this was a HUGE dark theater, and I could tell she was scared. So I stand up in the aisle and wave at her to come, and she spotted me.

Her face totally lit up, and she yelled "mommy!" and came RUNNING so fast to me with a HUGE smile on her face. And I started crying. It wasn't the first time I had cried that afternoon, but that last moment made me so proud. And I think I felt her fear when she didn't know where to go, so they were partly tears of relief when she found me too I think. :)

But it was a great day.

And I was one proud mama.

"daddy's home"

I'm hiding out in the basement.

It's been a long day. Steve's working long hours at work, and that makes for long hours at home too. I'm doing shockingly well with all this. If you know me at all, I'm not really the kind of person who handles time away from my husband very well. I need him. :)

But tonight, I just couldn't do it. I got in over my head making cheese cake...NEVER AGAIN. So since he was home late, and he was bringing the cream cheese, we made it late, and then bedtime started late....you know how it goes.

So I asked him if I could clean the kitchen and he could put the kids to bed. I had been ready for their bedtime long ago, but he hadn't had any time with them. So he put them to bed. I cleaned the kitchen to the sound of giggling and toothbrushing and love.

And then I came to hide downstairs.

And as I'm writing this, I still hear it. They are so happy that he's home. So happy that he doesn't have to work tomorrow. So happy.

And I'm happy that I'm down here, just far enough away to love the sound, but keep my sanity. :)

the jerk who sells the hairbows

oh man...

On Saturday we were at the park. After a few minutes of being annoyed with the "big kids" talking about wee wees, penises, pieners, etc, I was glad to see a lady with a few younger kids arrive. There were two little girls that Lillian decided to tag along with, and one had a headband thing with a scarf type thing attached to it to cover her balding head.

It was pretty obvious that the girl didn't have any hair.

One thing I'd LOVE to do is figure out how to get my pinkadink stuff into a pediatric cancer facility of some sort, but I haven't figured out how to go about that type of thing yet. So when I saw this girl, I knew I wanted to give her one of my beanies with a flower so bad. I thought about how I love putting bows and such in Lillians hair, and this girl doesn't ever get to wear bows.

I shaved my mom's head the first time she got cancer. It was all falling out, and she didn't want to go through that terrible process, so we just shaved it all off. We saved some bangs and some long hair, glued and sewed it onto some velcro, and sewed velcro into all her new hats so that we could attach her real hair into the hats and she'd feel a little more normal. I fought back tears the entire day we worked on that. I knew it was a big deal to my mom to not have hair. I'm sure anyone who loses thier hair wants to find some way to look or feel normal. And I kept imagining my trying on all her hats and scarves...

And I found some courage. I knew that if my daughter had something that touched another mom's heart, and they wanted to bless her, I'd want them to get the courage to ask me.

so...I walked over to thier side of the park. I had gathered from conversation that one of the girls' names was Zoe. The other girl (with the scarf) was hiding behind a tree. Since Lillian was playing with Zoe, I decided to strike up conversation.

"So, is Zoe your daughter?"
"No. Alicia is. Zoe is a friend."

Perfect opportunity for me to say, oh, is Alicia the one with the scarf? And that would have been a rather acceptable segue into that coversation.

but i say nothing. dummy.

So then I have to get all my courage up again and just bring it up out of the blue. The mom had moved to a different area (away from me...I can't take a hint) so I just kept walking around the park watching my kids. I finally do it. I just walk over there. Intentionally, so that i have to say something otherwise I'll look like even more of an idiot.

"Is your daughter getting chemo?"
I know that some people have a serious problem with the word 'cancer,' so I try to be sensitive and blame the chemo, not the cancer.
"No."

okay great. crap. What the heck was I supposed to say now? She obviously didn't want to talk about it. And I obviously WAS talking about it. I couldn't just walk away. Then she'd just think I was nosy instead of caring...

"Oh, that's good!"

silence.

"So...she just doesn't have a lot of hair?" I'm a jerk. That was obvious.
"no. it's an auto immune thing."

okay...here goes.

"well, I just started this business where I sell hats and flowers and hair bows and stuff, and I'd love to give her a hat if you don't mind."
"um...that'd be okay I guess."
"can I get your address so I can mail it to her?"

I figured she didn't want me to come over with it. I can tell when people have had enough of me.

"well....sure."

NOTHING. I was so nervous and embarassed and I wanted to cry and run away. I didn't realize that she didn't have a purse or anything.

"are you going to remember it?" crap.

"no, I'm going to ask my husband if he has some paper or something. I'll be right back."

I go tell Steve how embarassed I am, and I consider just grabbing my kids and making a run for it. This lady wants NOTHING to do with me. I am a huge jerk.

He gives me his PHONE to get the address. I am NOT a texter. I don't know how to work Steve's phone. I mess up about 4 times and Steve keeps fixing it for me. Finally he does it himself. She doesn't really want to give me her last name, but I ask if I need one since I'll be mailing it. She gives it to me. We have the address. and a last name. We are safe to go.

Instead, I think of another insensitive thing to say.

"I remember when my mom had cancer and she lost her hair. It was a big deal to her." (ya know, since your young daughter's auto immune baldness thing is exactly the same as my mom losing her hair to a drug.... STOP TALKING.)

so anyway, I got the address. I'll send her a hat. I'm even putting two flowers in with it. I want her love it. I want her to wear it. I want her to feel cute. and to wear bows on it if she wants.

and I never want to see her mom again. because she's probably at home blogging about being at the park the other day when this insensitive jerk came up to her....

at least now I know...

Yesterday, on the way home from church:

"Lillian, don't pick your nose. It's gross."

"Why?"

"Because then you get boogers on your finger and you don't know what to do with them."

"You just WIPE THEM ON YOUR PANTS!!!"

Yes, I'll be washing her jeans more often, even if they don't LOOK dirty.

And I know...at least she didn't say "eat them." She has yet to figure that out.

Time is tickin...

So, I am pretty sure this was taken YESTERDAY....


and this picture was taken TODAY...


WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?????

*unless, of course, you notice that my haven't-showered-in-a-few-days hair, non-made-up face, and hooded sweatshirt look is the same. that makes it seem like these two pictures really could be a day apart, instead of almost exactly two years. gotta love being a stay-at-home mom. :)