penny pinching party

I remember turning 8.

It was the year that my dad took me and most of my siblings to do the bumper boats and then out for ice cream.  My mom was sick and so was one or two of my siblings, so she stayed home with them, and the rest of us went out.  We didn't grow up doing much for birthday parties, til you turned 10 and got a sleepover.  So to go do the bumper boats was a HUGE THING for us.

well, my bumper boat got stuck going in a circle, for a long time.  and I'm not sure if it was the spinning that made me feel sick, or the sick bug that was going through  my family that made me feel sick, or what.  But when we got to McDonalds for ice cream, I barely made it out of the van when I puked all over the parking lot.

It's a VERY clear memory for me.  So to realize that my kids are now at the point where they could have VERY clear memories about stuff kind of concerns me.  how are they going to remember me?  what are they going to say to their kids about what their mom did?  I think about that a lot.

So when things like birthdays come up, i never really know what to do.  We've always done the same thing for Lillian since she got into school. we hand out little invitations to everyone at the bus stop in the morning (so they don't feel like they have to go out and buy a gift) and invite them to pop in after school and get a cupcake.

That way we get a celebration, she feels special, I didn't spend tons of money, I don't have to entertain anybody, and everyone's happy!

but this year she really really really wanted a party where she could invite her friends.

now here's the thing about parties here.  We've been invited to parties at all sorts of places like the pizza machine, p.e. 101, bouncy places, the skating rink, all sorts of places.  So I kinda feel like that's what's expected when you throw a party around here!

well, guess what.  that's not how I roll.  So I talked to Lillian about how I'm not doing daycare anymore so we don't have any extra money to be doing fancy parties and such.  But I also don't want her growing up thinking that you have to spend tons of money in order to have fun.  SO, we decided together that we would throw a SUPER low budget party, but she could invite her friends.

It's kinda hard, ya know?  in a world with pinterest and blogs and facebook and such, to do something simple.  and be okay with it.  there's a quote floating around that I've seen a few times about how we are always comparing our own lives to other people's highlight reels.  and isn't that the truth.  The big fancy parties going on these days are more for the moms to feel good about themselves I think.  The kids couldn't care less.

so, the deal was: aldi pizzas for food ($5 each for a massive pizza.  i bought two.) I would make cute cupcakes, but we weren't going to get ice cream to go with them.  (and, ok, I spent probably like $25 on cupcake stuff, but it made LOTS of cupcakes, for the birthday party (2 parties actually) and the school bake sale, and some for the school secretaries, and I still have some supplies left from the butterflies, which will get used at a later date I'm sure.  that did end up being more expensive than I hoped, but it's because I wanted lots of colors of butterflies.) :)  and we were not going to send little gift baggies home with everyone, but I would let them each design a pinkadink headband, and that could be their little take home activity.  oh, and I photocopied a butterfly picture for everyone to color while they waited for their turn to design a headband.  oh, and because I"m a sucker for cute, I bought a set of paper lanterns, just to make it seem a LITTLE more party-ish.  but I bought green, so you better believe we'll get lots and lots of use out of them. :)

and that was the party!  it was only two hours long, we had 15 kids and one adult, and the kids loved it I think!  in fact, I know they did.  I didn't need to plan a big party to boost my self esteem, because inviting a bunch of 8 year olds over will do the trick.  I heard lots of conversations along the lines of "I wish Lillian's mom was my mom." "yeah, I wish Lillian's mom was my mom too!" "well, I wish I WAS Lillian's mom!  she can make dresses!!!"  and they all thought I was so pretty and so nice!  it was all very cute and sweet and hilarious.  you should try it sometime.  seriously. :)

But I was really proud of myself.  I resisted the urge to get all crafty and make decorations and such.  because I LOVE that type of thing, but it just adds up money-wise.  and someday I hope that the pinkadink is doing so well that we'll have extra money to throw a party like that.  I certainly don't think it's wrong for moms to do that.  trust me, I appreciate cuteness probably way more than the average person.

but for THIS party, and at THIS time in our life, I wanted to show Lillian (and myself) that simple can still be good.

***and you might be thinking that the cupcakes weren't simple.  but if you try it, you'll see that anyone can do it!  you can find the tutorial on my pinterest "treats" board.  it was EASY PEASY I'm telling you.  it just takes a lot of time.***

so anyway, here are some of the very few pictures I took, because when you have to make sure that 15 kids don't disappear or trample each other in your little house, it gets tricky to walk around with the camera. :)


my girl.  where has the time gone???

the butterflies. aren't they pretty?

the decor.  that was it. :)

the kids.  I love this picture. :)

so there you have it.  the freedom to throw a simple party.  no comparisons, no expectations, no lack of fun, that's for sure.  it felt good, it was fun, but I'm glad it's over. :)

empty nester (for a couple hours)

last week on this day, it was the last day before Brielle started preschool.

I had many real friends and about a bazillion facebook friends go through the same thing-bringing their kids to preschool for the first time-in the couple of weeks before, and let me tell you...emotions were running HIGH.

only...not MY emotions.

I had decided at the beginning of the summer that B's goal MUST be to make it really easy on me to drop her off at preschool because she was driving. me. crazy.  like, bugging her siblings, hurting them just because, and whining all the time.  like, ALL the freaking time.  and I was READY for preschool to start.

and then sometime in the middle of the summer, when we were trying to work our new budget, and figure out how much pinkadink stuff I needed to make (and sell) each day in order to participate in the whole bill-paying thing that is so unfortunate in life, we decided it would be wise for Brielle to not only go to preschool 3 days a week, but ON her preschool days, to stay the other half of the day in the daycare too, just because then I'd have 3 whole days to work uninterrupted.  and at that point, just the THOUGHT of dropping her off somewhere for a whole day (and the fact that I'd have to make THREE lunches every morning, not two) brought be to tears every time.  I couldn't talk about, couldn't think about it.  tears.

And then sort of suddenly, I realized that I never actually signed her up for the daycare part, and good thing too, because I had spent most of the summer bumming around with my sisters instead of sewing, so we didn't really have the money to pay for her to have 'rest time' somewhere else.  so then I was back to being totally fine with her going to preschool 3 days a week for a couple hours.

and last Tuesday night Steve actually said to me that a friend might be calling me to talk about sending her little boy to preschool, and how hard it's been for her.  and I thought "WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME??????????"

Why is it so hard and so emotional for all these parents to send their kids to PRESCHOOL?  I mean,  yes, I cried when I sent Lillian, because that was my first time ever leaving any kid anywhere.  so I get it that your first one is hard.  And yes, I cried on when I dropped both big kids off at school this year, but only because it's all day and they're growing up, and it had NOTHING to do with the fact that I wanted them to be home with me.  but dropping my 3rd child off for a couple hours of interaction with other people at a place I already feel comfortable with?  no sad feelings.  at all.

now trust me.  I love my kids.  crazy love them.  But I have no desire to be with them all day every day.  homeschool moms, YOU ROCK.  you are way stronger than me.  I loved being home with my babies all day every day, and my toddlers, but once we get to this age where they can, like, talk like, um, like, valley girls and stuff?  yeah, still love you, but go talk like that with other 7 year olds who speak that language.  and go burn your excessive boy energy on a playgound instead of climbing (literally) up my hallway walls.  and when you get home, I'll be SO EXCITED to see you!

so I was trying to explain to Steve that the only comfort I could give anyone having a hard time is saying, "oh, I rememeber it was so hard with Lillian too."  and I told him about Missy who writes at It's Almost Naptime. she's my mom twin.  except she's way cooler and more hilarious than me. but everything she writes (that's not about adoption or the diet she has one of her children on) I TOTALLY relate to, and feel like she snuck into my head and wrote about my thoughts.  so when I read this post, I was thrilled to realized I'm not alone in my whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder" idea.

so when the day came to drop Brielle off, I made sure my camera was charged and ready, and after a quick stop at Daddy's office, off we went to her school.  We had already been to her open house and she felt really confident and played so well by herself there. We were a bit early so we had a chance to meet some of the girls (Lyric and Anya) in her class before they acutally went in the room.  This is where things started to change for me emotionally.  Lyric was adorable and chatty and spinning in circles and going on and on and on about sisters and stuff.  Then Anya comes and she was adorable and singing and singing and singing and she never stopped til it was time to go in.  and the song?  girls just wanna have fun.  it was so awesome.  and during that time of talking with the other girls, Brielle shrunk down onto her haunches and stayed by my feet not saying a word to anyone.

and once I realized she might be nervous, I got emotional.

so we headed in to drop her off, and it was all a little awkward.  There are only 8 kids in her class, but it felt like the room was SO crowded, and parents were standing there, not really doing anything.  I took Brielle to hang up her backpack and move her little owl, and then took a few pictures. all the other parents were standing there, watching their kids play, but as I took the last picture, I felt it.

tears were coming, and coming HARD.

so I gave her a quick hug and a kiss and a "see you at 3!" and started to leave.  I asked the teacher if we could go because I just didn't understand why all the other parents were standing there and she said to go ahead and leave!  so I race to the door, which is RIGHT when she started talking to the parents about pick up procedures.  So I stifle the tears for 15 more seconds and then right when she's done I open the door....and the flood gates.

I started bawling.  like, weird faces and strange sounds bawling.  and I did NOT see it coming.  and I still to this day don't know what the emotions were that I was feeling.  the end of a stage of life maybe?  I'm not sure.  but it felt good.  it felt normal.  like I could view myself as a good mother again instead of a cold-hearted-kid-dropper-offer.

so yeah, I only cried the one day, and I guess I'm back to wondering what the big deal is.  I love it when she talks to me about stuff that I have no idea what she means. like the kangaroo who puts a book in her pouch. and the songs she tries to sing but I know she cannot possibly be singing the right words.  and the kids she talks about, with names she never remembers.  and the guinea pigs.  and the star in the apple that shows that Jesus loves her. it's all becoming part of what makes her HER.

so yeah, my baby is gone from me for a while.  but she told me not to worry, and that she'll always be my baby....even when she's a grown up. :)  and she's right.

back at it

so, I decided to pick up the 'ol blog again.

I miss my stories.  I miss knowing what has happened in my life.  see, I have a HORRIBLE memory, and I wanted this to be a place where I could go back and remember moments in my life I wouldn't normally remember.  and as it turns out, I don't remember much of the last year.  the details anyway. because I didn't write them down.  or maybe they're lost in facebook statuses somewhere, I'm not sure. 

so here I am, back at it.

my little hiatus stemmed from a lot of things.  I made a major life change in the last year and people are critical, ya know?  so I didn't feel like I could totally ignore it in my blog, but I also didn't want everybody knowing stuff about me while I tried to figure it out either.  now I'm to the point that I believe in it and I don't so much care what other people think.  it's not even a big deal to me anymore, but it was then.  we cut meat and almost all dairy out of our diet.  see?  no big deal.  

it was really fun to watch the scale (which stayed the SAME after working out WITH A TRAINER for almost a year) drop almost 15 pounds in a few months time.  turns out what you eat really matters. :)  

now that I got that out there (I may have mentioned it before, I don't really know) and you all think I'm super healthy, I'd like to take the time to share a recent kitchen adventure.  some call it cooking, some call it baking, some call it making supper.  to me, it's always foreign and uncomfortable, no matter how many times I do it, so it's an adventure.  and this adventure was far from healthy.

My sweet hubby turned 33 last week.  At his new job, you bring treats on your own bday so that nobody ever gets forgotten about. these are the things you don't learn about in marriage counseling.  the expectation that the wife brings some extravagant thing to make everybody in the office think they are so awesome.  

well his bday was on a saturday.  and the kids really wanted a surprise party for him, which is hard to do when he's with you all day on his bday.  So Friday we decided to do it, and i was going to make him a candy bar cake with brownies, bc the guy loves chocolate, and this girl doesn't so much love cake.  plus, I thought that it might be what I want to bring to his work the next week, so I better try it out first.

so I went to the store and got 2 boxes of brownie mix thinking that if I make two 8x8 pans of brownies, they'll stand up high enough that the kitkats on the outside of the cake will look good.  then Brielle and I went on a mission to find colorful candy coated chocolates to put on the top to add a little color.  but they couldn't be m&ms because they're all at risk of having peanuts in them.  the life of an allergy family.  

well it just so happens that my FAVORITE candy in the whole world is sixlets, which are not at risk of peanut contamination. AND they're colorful.  AND they're chocolate.  AND they're not sold in HyVee apparently.  it's a hard job to scour the candy aisles during Halloween season, and enough to make this mama go NUTS.

so we settled on little blue, brown, and cream almond joy bites.  I'll go ahead and skip detials of the part where I picked the kids up from the bus stop while the brownies were baking and FLEW to the dollar general AND Nobbies looking for sixlets, because we settled on the almond joys, even though we did find sixlets.  whatever.  

we got home with TWO minutes left on the timer for the brownies.  go team.

ok.....well....either.....

a) you can't use egg replacer for making brownies (even though I use it for other baking things), or 

b) you can't use Canola oil instead of vegetable oil (I thought they were the same.  but see?  it's all foreign to me...), or 

c) you can't bake 2 pans of brownies at the same time, or 

d) any combination of the above.  

because, folks, these were not brownies that came out of the pans.  they were oily, bubbling, flat slabs of TAR, in a shape that tried really hard to resemble a square.  so I cut them into circles, let them cool for not enough time bc steve would be home soon, slapped some leftover frosting on the edges so the candy would stick, and put the kitkats down (HORIZONTALLY, that's how flat TWO pans of brownies were), sprinkled the pretty cnadies that took me an like 2 hours to decide on, and stuck that baby in the deep freeze to try to keep some sort of shape and prevent the rest of the chocolate from melting off the kitkats.  

it was a total disaster, people.  a whole day wasted.  except for one thing: the photo.  

I love love love this picture, and nobody knows that we ate a total of one piece combined.  nobody knows the kitkats were supposed to be vertical.  nobody knows my husband doesn't even like almond joys.  the kids were hiding when he got home from work, they jumped out and said surprise, and he had "no idea" that there was a special dessert waiting for us, even though the whole house smelled like brownies and there were dirty dishes everywhere.  and I told him he better act surprised. :)

so this picture captures exactly what I wanted it to.  the kids were so excited, so proud, and they just love their daddy so much. 

but if it wasn't for the blog, I'd forget all about the brownie flop.  

oh, I got off track though.  so good thing I attempted the candy bar cake before the dreaded 'bring treats to work day.'  can you imagine?  I'd have gone to dairy queen for an ice cream cake or something I guess.  But ice cream cakes aren't really in our budget, so instead of risking another disaster, I went with cupcakes.  Steve loves butterfinger, and we can't ever really make that kind of stuff for here because of Lillian's allergy, so I though it'd be fun to bring some to work.  and easy.

so I made regular old cupcakes.  (have you SEEN what people do to their cupcakes?  thank you, pinterest, for making us feel like everything has to be totally freakin fancy.)  in order to make them "butterfinger" ones, I crushed up some butterfinger to add to the frosting, crushed a little more (without the chocolate, which was easy bc if you crush it in the wrapper, the chocolate sticks to the wrapper anyway) to sprinkle on top, and then found these adorable little butterfinger snacksters or something in the candy aisle and put one of those on the top.  they were really boring compared to pinterest, but they were EASY, and I used EGGS, and they were a huge hit.  so there, take that pinterest.  

so there you have it. I survived.  I threw a surprise party for my hubby (ha!) and successfully brought treats to his work.  AND, I blogged about it.  

the kidnapping talk

Have you seen the story in the news about some guy who tried to kidnap a girl in WalMart? Well, experts are saying that she was certainly trained in "stranger danger" and knew what to do. And that we should all make sure our kids know what to do.

Well, I knew it would probably freak them out, but I thought I better have a talk to the kids. We talked about how to wiggle and wiggle, and kick and scream. and bite and poke eyeballs and kick in the private area. and scream, and keep screaming and wiggling.

Lillian and Brielle thought it was hilarious that i was giving them permission to 'kick him where it counts.' But Josiah wasn't laughing (and it's not because he's a boy). He was thinking. hard. and I knew questions or comments would come later.

and they did.

things like, "mama, what if I wake up in the morning and I'm in jail because a bad guy took me?" and other questions that really made no sense, but he must have made connections somehow.

and then things like "what if a bad guy tries to take me?"

and my favorite: "well, what if a bad guy tries to take Brielle? then, maybe, I'll let the bad guy take me too, so then I can grab Brielle's arm and we can run away."

melt. my. heart.

my little man

Today we were on the way to preschool (and that's AFTER chasing the bus a few blocks til he stopped to let Lillian on, and then being halfway to school and turning all the way around to try find the dog we spotted which we thought was our neighbor's and then turned out not to be our neghbor's) when Josiah filled me in on a little something. Here's how it went:

J: mama? I think I'm changing...because every morning my voice sounds different.
me: hm...really... Did someone tell you that your voice is going to change when your body changes?
J: huh? my BODY is gonna change?
me: yep.
J: WHEN????
me: oh, when you're older. when you're ready to become a man.
J: but mama, I AAAMMMM a man!

and I thought it was the sweetest conversation ever, until he added:

J: I'm just a man who picks my boogers!

date night!

I'm busy sewing my brains out these days trying my best to get orders done before Christmas. My list of orders is still super stinking long, and my list of emails of people wondering where the heck there stuff is happens to be growing as well. :(

That's kind of the atmosphere around here lately. It's all part of what I mentioned before about needing to make some changes and do what's best for my family. Steve even admitted to me yesterday that he was really looking forward to this past weekend because all my events are finally over, and he thought that maybe I'd be able to "come up for air." Turns out I'm still just as busy, but it does help to not have the stress of needing extra stuff ready. so I'm not really able to come up for air quite yet. I still feel a bit like I'm drowning. I can't catch up, I'm crabby to my kids, and I'm honestly kind of sick of spending every night alone in the basement sewing.

I realize that I'm sitting here complaining when it is actually such a huge blessing that in our time of need, God is providing. Like he always does. And I'm so thankful for that. and it's not only financial provision either. I had a definite emotional need met this week when I went on a DATE with my husband. and not only that, but it was an AWESOME date, and it was almost free.

so I'm going to tell you about that, instead of complaining. :)

ok, so remember when Steve worked at the Hilton? well, the Hilton has a restaurant inside called the Liberty Tavern, and the manager of the hotel told Steve when he left that some day he should take his wife out to eat at the LT and he'd cover it. So by golly, we took him up on that offer. Just one quick little email and we were given a HUNDRED dollar credit to eat there. Now, I'm not sure that we've EVER spent a hundred bucks on a meal. We've gotten close when we went to Espana last year for my birthday, but it was a HUGE splurge. Like, possibly once in a lifetime. *we've been back there once since, but it was on a Tuesday where they have a great deal on the tapas, so our bill wasn't quite as ridiculous.* Ok, but at the Liberty Tavern, the menu is really reasonably priced. so we just ordered TONS of stuff and it was so dang good. and we ate almost all of it.

We started with this incredible flatbread: (GRILLED FLATBREAD BOURSIN PESTO SPREAD, PROSCIUTTO, GRAPES, MOZZARELLA.) yes, it had meat. but only a tiny bit. and it was so good. and I never though hot grapes would be so tasty.

then Steve had corn chowder, and I had a spring greens salad. holy moly. (SPRING GREENS RASPBERRY BALSAMIC VINAIGRETTE, SPICED PECANS, DRIED FRUIT, FETA )

THEN, we had our meal and our sides brought out. we each got the mac and cheese (CAVATAPPI PASTA, ROASTED SWEET RED PEPPER, ASPARAGUS, SEASONAL MUSHROOMS IN AN ASIAGO AND PARMESAN SAUCE) for our meal. it was the most "plant based" item they had. :) and did you see that??? peppers, asparagus, and mushrooms IN the mac and cheese. brilliant. can you tell I'm not a cook? I was so impressed with everything. and for our sides we got asparagus spears and sauteed mushrooms. yum.

and THEN, we shared a piece of turtle cheesecake. keep in mind that the only dairy we've had in like 6 weeks is a bit of cheese here and there. so my plan was to only have a couple bites of steve's. well, you can probably imagine how that went. oh, and they put strawberries on the side, and for some reason I didn't think that strawberry and turtle went together. turns out they do.

ok, so after all that, we still weren't up to $100, but we thought we'd had enough. :) we did leave a little tip, so it wasn't totally a free meal, but close enough. it was such a treat.

Then, we saw the Muppets movie in Council Bluffs with my fandango tickets that I had gotten on a group deal online way back when. I got two tickets for nine bucks, but since the price has gone up a little on the tickets, we ended up paying like 12 for two tickets. which is still a pretty good deal. and we loved the movie. I did, however have a strange feeling like I was on a drug of some sort during the whole thing. My poor sweet husband tolerated my constant movement and repositioning. I was SO TIRED, but loved the movie. So I was partly just trying to stay awake, and partly just really super uncomfortable. and then I got a serious case of itchy skin, and well, that's a neverending problem once I start. so I sat there for EVER just itching every part of my skin I possibly could. I bet he didn't realize that was what he meant when he said 'for better or worse.' I can't believe he still loves me after that movie.

on our way home we decided to drive through downtown instead of taking interstates, so we drove past all the lights downtown, and at midtown crossing. it was beautiful. When we got home we didn't even pay our babysitters, becasue it was Steve's sister and brother-in-law, and they just wanted us to be able to go out!

so, in the end, we had free valet, free dinner, cheap movie, and free babysitting! it was such a treat, and felt so good to be out with my man. We know its so important, but it's just not really always very practical for us. so it was really such a treat!!!

and if you're ever in Omaha and want the same good food, head to the Hilton (right across from the Qwest Center)!

cultured kids

we do our best to raise cultured kids. kids who love Wicked and Cinderella. who love band competitions and movie theaters. who love Ben Folds and Selena Gomez. who know that Jesus is the reason for Christmas but also believe in Santa. (had to throw that in there.) ;) we're going for a balance here.

Tonight Lillian turned on our Christmas playlist and on came Louis Armstrong's "baby it's cold outside." I knew she loved the song, so I was quite confused when she quickly ran and changed the song.

"hey, what are you doing???"
"changing it. they were horrible. just HORRIBLE."

(minus one point for the cultured kids goal.) :(

"now, James Taylor? He's awesome!" and soon starts the James Taylor version of the same song.

(and for that, I give us back a half a point.) :)