blessed...

Today is our anniversary. Six years. And it's Father's Day too.

There was a little tiny part of me that got saddish when I realized they were going to be on the same day. I like special days, so when there's only ONE instead of TWO, I get a little bummed. Not a huge deal though.

Anyway, because I'm a celebrater, we decided to take the kids to UP on Friday night to celebrate Father's Day. The whole experience of was not quite what I expected, due to a variety of things that would make another whole blog post. But I'm probably not going to write about it. But here's a picture of the five of us before we left Brielle with Auntie Mel. (it was L and J's first experience in a movie theater, and we didn't want to risk it all by taking Brielle with us.) Note to moms: when you tell your kids to just smile and not talk or make weird faces, you should do that BEFORE they actually take the picture, not DURING it. Otherwise YOU are the reason the photo should be retaken.....


So today we went out to eat at Red Robin. We love Red Robin. Because heaven knows that if there's any possible reason for me to suggest going out to eat, I take advantage of it. So when there's DOUBLE reason to go out, AND we got a money gift in the mail for our anniversary, you better believe that I was NOT gonna be makin Sunday dinner. :)

So since UP was the Father's Day celebration, I kind of looked at Red Robin as an anniversary celebration. But something struck me while I was there. There were all sorts of families there. Some were multi-generational, and some were just like us, parents with thier little kids. But then there were also some dads there alone with their kids. I realize that I don't know their situation, but I just assummed that the parents were divorced, and that today was one of the days the dads had thier kids. And that's when it hit me how blessed I am. While I was busy trying to make TWO celebration days out of our anniversay and father's day, really, it's such a special thing that they're on the same day.



Because not only do my kids have the best dad EVER, their dad loves their mom more than she deserves.

And on a day where some dads just celebrate their relationship with thier kids, we get to celebrate the fact that 6 years ago we decided to live this life together. and we are. and we love it. and we're blessed.

terms of endearment

Josiah is quite possibly the sweetest boy ever (well, unless he's running low on sleep, but we won't talk about that today). His little heart is just so full of love, and he constantly hugs and kisses and squeezes and nuzzles and says sweet things to prove it.

But my favorite thing is when he gets right up in my face and says, "Mama? You're my boy."

I'm not sure if we started saying that him as a way to love on him, or if he thought it up himself. But it just melts my heart every time.

And now that he knows how much we love it, he doesn't want to leave anyone out. So every time he says someone is his boy, he goes on and on and on about all his boys.

"Daddy, you're my boy. And mommy's my boy, and Gracie's my boy, and B-elle's my boy, and Dramma Tarla's my boy, and Trista's my boy..."

But my favorite EVER was the other day when he said, "Mommy....Dod's (God's) my boy. Dod's my FAVORITE boy!" and today he added that God "loves to hug me! and Dod loves to kiss me too!"

I know I don't have this parenting thing totally figured out. Not by a long shot. But I DO know that if my kids grow up understanding the love that God has for them, and wanting to reciprocate that love, I've done pretty well.

So Siah, keep on lovin. Keep on lovin God. Because you're right. He DOES love to hug and kiss you. And He does it in lots of ways. And one of those ways is through your mommy and daddy who think you're the best. :)

so smart. :)

Brielle signs for "more" while daddy feeds her...

the little things

It's after midnight now, so I guess that means that "yesterday" was the day that would have marked my mom and dad's 34th anniversary. It's a strange thing to think about.

I have done the math over and over in my head trying to figure out how it was only 4 years ago that mom was so healthy and we were celebrating their 30th in the basement of Trinity Church. But I'm sure of it. Lillian was about nine months old. And now she's 4 years and about nine months old. So it has to be right.

And that's what scares me. I feel like I'm supposed to feel like it was 'just yesterday' that she was here and healthy. But it doesn't.

it feels like forever ago.

I'm so scared that I'm forgetting things. I know it happens with time. Most people who have lost loved ones say that.

Sometimes it's hard for me to imagine her voice even. Something I thought I'd never forget. My mother's voice. But when I try to remember things, just from my own memory, not photos or videos or anything, it's so hard. And then I hear myself say something to Lillian, and it jolts me. It sounds so much like my mom's voice that I feel like I'm her. And Lillian is me. It sounds EXACTLY the same. And the tears catch me off guard.

But when I'm just sitting here, wanting to remember, it doesn't come so easily.

Lots of things are reminding me of her lately though. It's random things. Like the smell of coffee grounds in trash can. It stinks, but I like it. And the shape of my blush in its compact. It's almost gone. So the center is completely empty, and it's just pinkness rounded in the corners, ya know? And I have to look twice every time I put it on, to make sure it's mine, and it's not in a huge pink Mary Kay compact like I expect it to be.

Some things I do intentionally to remember her. She had this picture hanging in our house in Maurice. It's a drawing maybe. Not a painting. But it's this ovular drawing of a mother holding her little daughter, snuggled up on her chest. And the picture is framed in an old ugly frame. But I've always loved that picture. I felt like it was me and her, even though the girl looks nothing like I did.

So when we moved into the house that my dad still lives in now, I found it hung up in the basement one day. And I ran upstairs and asked my mom (before she ever was sick) if I could have it when she passed away. She went down and got it for me. :) I don't remember when I actually took possession of it. I didn't have anywhere to put it at the time. But I know that when we moved into this house I hung it up in the room that was waiting for our baby. I had a hunch the baby would be a girl, and I wanted that picture in there.

Anyway, it's a lovely picture in a very ugly frame thing. I've always wanted to try to cut the picture into a square and get it reframed, but never wanted to cut into something that I treasured so much. So I just hung the ugly one up all this time.

But recently I've been browsing craigslist. And I found an entry called "beautiful mother/daughter picture" and thought, 'hm. what it if would be the same one....wouldn't that be weird?' and sure enough. there it was. I immediately contacted the lady and told her the story and how bad I wanted it. She was so happy it was going to someone like me. :) so for ten bucks, I bought the picture, tore open the framing, and cut it up. And it looks so good. it's not perfect. but I don't care. It's the picture I love, without the ugly frame. (okay so it wasn't really that bad, I think I just don't like ovals, so that always bugged me. but it was obviously not so ugly that I didn't still love it. maybe I should just say that it wasn't really my taste, as opposed to being ugly.)



but I love it now. and I love that it makes me think of my mom EVERY time I look at it. but it kind of shows her personality, which is something I'll never forget. Who she is, what she stood for, her kind heart, her contagious smile, her love of people, her love of the Lord, the things that made her HER....I'll never forget those. I can't. It's what made me ME.

I just wish I could remember more of the little things....

the peaceful butterfly pavilion

Today we went to the zoo with our neighbors. We got in for free on their zoo pass, because it says "two adults and their dependent children." So that means ANY two adults, not just them. So if there's anyone else in Omaha with a zoo pass who would like to get us in free, let me know! :)

Okay, so we each have a four year old, a two year old, and a baby, except mine isn't very babyish anymore. :( So we had our hands full, but it's our life, so we could handle it. easy.

However, what is NOT my life is TWO four year olds, TWO two year olds, and my baby ALONE while the other mommy takes a nursing break. But it still seemed like a piece of cake. I've done this many times before actually, with these same exact girls. So I'm not worried. at all. After all, we were just going to walk through the peaceful butterfly pavilion and marvel at God's beautiful creation.

While we walk to the doors of the pavilion, I walked behind two sets of siblings holding hands. It was so cute. And then we walked in and heard the rules: no touching the butterflies, no picking the flowers. easy. this will be easy.

And then I remembered that my children in particular don't like animals all that much. So Lillian starts flinching MAJORLY when we are about 5 steps in. She kept running behind me, scared to death of the butterflies.

OKay, not a big deal. She'll manage. But when she's scared, it always spreads to Josiah. Did I ever mention her strange fear of smoke detectors on here? well, she had one. and guess who else does now? the J man. So it shouldn't have come as a surprise that he decided the tiny, beautiful, fluttering-by butterflies were reason enough to start crying.

And, as I'm sure you can all see coming, although I did not, that triggered the other two year old crying. Except she doesn't just cry. She freaks out. So she starts SCREAMING. Loudly. And we are less than a third of the way through the pavilion at this point. and it's jam packed with people.

And my dear tender-hearted son either felt Catie's pain and joined her, or just got so freaked out by her screaming that he joined her. either way, I was holding Brielle on my hip, yelling at Maddie to go find the end of the freaking pavilion, yelling at Lillian to grab Josiah's hand, and trying to convince Catie that it was going to be okay, which she only believed when I picked her up too. we were quite the sight.

and the nice annoyed people just kind of smiled. you know, that one smile? the one that says, "you poor thing" and "shut your kids up" all at the same time.

So I just started plowing through people saying, "EXCUSE ME! SORRY! WE'RE LEAVING! SORRY! WE'LL BE OUT SOON! EXCUSE ME!"

and we made it out. there was an entire second section to go through, where the kids calmed down, but since I had not yet calmed down, I refused to let them look at the displays and stuff in that half of the pavilion. not a chance. I was getting OUT of there.

The rest of the day was fun though! :)

possibly the best 5 bucks I've spent in a while...

As far as entertainment goes, we don't do much around the Hydeen household. So many things cost money, and the one year we got a zoo pass we didnt' use it enough to think it was worth it. So, we settle for things like awesome sprinklers, our great park, and going to our friends' houses. because we all know that our friends always have cooler stuff than we do.

But yesterday (okay, so now it's not yesterday anymore bc this post has taken a while to write. it was on Thursday) we went to the circus. for five bucks. not each....TOTAL. adults were five bucks, kids 5 and under were free. it was so great! and I was so proud of my kids for not continuing to beg for water or pop or snow cones or big balloons or popcorn or elephant rides or pony rides or cotton candy or whistles or any of the other spectacular items available for a mere 3 bucks or more at the circus. I explained at the beginning that we weren't going to buy anything extra, and they never complained, even though EVERYONE else seemed to be enjoying something special. *a huge thanks to Praja though, for sharing her cotton candy so that the kids did get a little treat. :)

I had a video of them explaining what they saw at the circus, but it was very long and not very entertaining. :) So I decided to just summarize.

at the end of it all, this is what the kids had to say:



what it means: I have no idea what the "blue and white" part meant, but when I asked him if he liked the magic, the elephant, or the pigs, he replied, "I liked the magic elephant pushing the baby pig." In actuality it was a big (like, the biggest EVER, possibly confused with an elephant to a 2 year old) pig pushing the baby pig in the stroller, so I guess the 'magic elephant pushing the stroller' was his way of saying he loved the whole thing. :)

and now for Lillian's response:



what it means: even though my daughter is brilliant ;) she obviously is not ready to sit and learn in a kindergarten classroom. Preschool will be good for her. :) and, she's a fan of the quick change, and she learned a new word: wig.

So, if you ever have a chance to attend an outdoor "poor man's circus," go for it! Just remember your sunscreen, ice water, and extra cash if you want to be a cool mom, unlike me. :)

Here are some more pictures of our excursion:

Lillian, Josiah watching the balancing act, and me. :)

Brielle wondering why Alyse is poking her head in the picture.


The talented pigs



and, all the kids (except Brielle): Cury, Praja, Joel, Alyse, Lillian, and Josiah.