the debt reduction diaries: May

well gosh, we're almost halfway in to June already, but I suppose when I look back on our debt reduction I'll want to know how it went it May.

It's hard to know what to write and what to skip.

May was really hard on me emotionally, for lots of reason.

it wasn't all bad though...we had a HUGE delivery of tons of fresh fruit and such from Steve's parents, plus we had also been given some gift certificates to Aldi (where we do most of our grocery shopping) at the end of April which we were able to use in May.  so awesome.

It baffles me that somehow we still ended up SCROUNGING around for food at the end when we had so much more to work with throughout the entire month.  but that's just proof that you spend what you have for, no matter what.

but it's a really good thing that we had all that extra because I was just in a really hard place for the month of May and obviously didn't focus very hard on meal planning.  I was feeling really burnt out by the pinkadink, discouraged that I feel like I work so hard for hardly any money.  (I've since raised my prices a bit, if you haven't noticed.  I'm hoping that helps.)  It's frustrating to see my business growing by leaps and bounds (I had a crazy dollar amount of sales last year, which was awesome, but also why I felt like I should have a little more in my pocket than I do, but my supply cost and all that is obviously too high for me to make money...)

and speaking of money in my pocket, we went to tulip festival with ZERO dollars in our pockets.  Grandma bought a couple rides for each of the kids, and also had a house full of food like she does every year, so we didn't eat a single thing downtown.  no schnew wagon, no poffertjes, no cheeseballs. nothin.  and guess what!  it was still fun!

The easy solution is for me to add money would be to daycare kids, but that's hard too.  I don't like the "daycare setting" that i've had before where I run myself ragged all day trying to keep up with all the kids in my care, and then find myself with NO ENERGY at the end of the day for sewing.  Plus, it would have to be the perfect match for a family to choose me to take care of their kids.  I'm not licensed, have to drive kids for drop off and pickup every day at preschool, and don't have a "play area" in my house, since I took it over with sewing equipment. :)  With Maddie here the girls just play in the living room, play outside, or in Brielle's room.  and it's not a big deal bc it's just like I have an extra kid in my family. :)  but if I added more, I would only want ONE kid, so I wouldn't have to get licensed, the parents would have to not care if I drive their kid around every day, and the parents would have to be okay with it being short term, since I am hoping to be done with daycare after Brielle goes to kindergarten.  so, it would likely have to be someone contacting ME to ask, instead of me searching out someone to watch.  so that's just not as easy as it sounds.

but of course I keep thinking that if God provides me with the perfect opportunity, it would be the best way for us to pay down our debt a little faster.  it seems to be crawling right now.  We finally got our snowball built and now it's just hanging out at around $300 a month, which doesn't go very far.  Each month we have to pay out from our snowball anything that we were unable to budget for.  Remember that our budget doesn't consist of anything except grocery, gas, and "other" which never lasts very long.  So for example, when I had a bladder infection and had to go in for a test, we had to pay that bill out of our snowball, since it's nowhere else in the budget.  and when Steve's car had to be fixed, we had to pay that hundred bucks (which was a miracle since we were first told it would be about $1200!!!) out of our snowball too.  so when you chop the snowball in half from paying out other things, it doesn't go very far.

we also were not approved for our refinancing, which was really discouraging to me.  our house had a REALLY low appraisal, and so in order to get the loan, we'd have to come up with almost $3000 in closing costs.  well that doesn't exactly fit into our plan with only a $1000 emergency fund.  so, we lost the 3.375% interest rate we were locked in at, and had a huge pity party that we won't be able to save $140 a month on our house payment after all. that was a sad sad sad day.  and I'm still mad about our appraisal.  I know there was a "drop" in the housing market, but it didn't seem to affect the value of our neighbor's house like it did ours, and I"m still bitter about it.  that whole appraisal system is shady if you ask me. :)

so yeah, there ya have it.  sucky month.

but we're past that.  I'm "back in the saddle" after doing bare minimum for the pinkadink during May, and already having a great month so far.  summer is in full gear which makes things tricky for getting pinkadink stuff done, but we'll just play it by ear for now.

oh, and we joined a sand volleyball team, which was the best way EVER to spend twenty of our "other" dollars last month, because we are finally doing something together that's super fun for both of us. :)

June finances are already getting very tricky, but you'll have to wait til next month's report to see how it all turns out!  we're refusing to pay our "10 year anniversary date money" OR our snowball on the extra bills we got for this month, but now our plans to celebrate are all falling apart too.  it's not looking good, but at least we get to live life together every day! :)  I better go sew so I can pay those darn bills!

chain reaction

so the other day Brielle told me about a little zit on her back that was hurting.  I said, oh it's not a zit, just a little bugbite or something.  I was actually wondering if it was a spider bite but didn't want to mention that since her 4 year old brain does enough imagining on it's own.

well, today that "little bug bite" is HUGE and red and swollen and itchy and burning and painful.

so I take a picture (what did we DO before picture texting?!?!!?)  and text it to our pediatrician who is awesome and goes to church with us and let's me facebook her and photo text her before having me come in to see her!  she's out of state at a wedding but took the time to get all the info and let me know what to do, which is try to get the probable infection out by soaking the bite in hot water with epsom salt.

easy peasy.  I'll just go grab the epsom salt.
not in the kids bathroom.  not under the kitchen sink.  hm....

I head to our bathroom sink and open it up to find that little pink tub thing they give you from the hospital when you have a baby FULL, like, to the BRIM, with water.  and also a submerged hair straightener and curling iron.  oh, and also a pack of HUGE maxi pads from my postpartum days almost FIVE years ago.  see?  there's a reason I kept those bad boys!  if they had not soaked up a ridiculous amount of water, that little tub would not have been filled to the brim with water, it would have RUINED our whole little vanity thing, costing us who knows how much to replace.

and the best part?  the "good" straightener (CHI) and the curling iron we actually use were propped up on top of something else, not where they belong, which means they were DRY!  woot!  see Steve??? there's a reason I don't put everything away in it's place! ;)

so, now we still have to figure out the leak, and find the epsom salt, but just when I felt VERY inconvenienced (today is my WORK day, Mommy can't help you, you have to wait til Daddy gets home...) I discovered that the one infected bug bite happened to save us from some major spending!!!

(now, let's just pray we can get this infection under control or we'll be visiting urgent care on our date night tonight.  boo....) 

mother's day

mother's day is hard.

I know, I have three beautiful wonderful children, who shower me with homemade gifts and pictures and kind words.  and a husband who always wants me to feel special as the mother of his children.  my mother's day is always filled with blessings.

But in my heart, I feel like mother's day should be a day of celebrating MY mother, not ME as a mother.  of course, if you talk to other people who have experienced loss, they'll have a different story.  If I was the one struggling with infertility, I'd want to be celebrating ME as a mother.  If I was the one who lost my child to SIDS or some other horrible reason, I'd feel robbed of the title of mother, especially on mother's day.

but it's not really fair to compare loss, is it.  I had a great conversation a few weeks ago with a bunch of friends, and we'd all experinced loss of a different kind: SIDS, miscarriage, loss of adoption right at the end, loss of my mother.  We started using phrases (or maybe even just thinking thoughts) like, "well, I can't even imagine losing a child who was already born." "well I can't even imagine not having my mom in my life!" you get the idea. It was all because we didn't want to discount anyone's feelings of loss.  but right then someone said, "no...we can't compare loss.  we've all felt the same types of feelings in the loss that seems greatest to us, and it's not something you can ever compare."

and that struck me...because I've compared.  I was mad at the lady, who was my mom's age, who told us that she knew exactly how we felt when my mom died, because her dad had just died.  and I felt like saying NO YOU DON'T!!!  If you lost your mom 25 years ago, you would know. your dad was OLD and he wasn't your MOM! and a girl needs her mom!!!  But I also go the other way...when people lose children I think I better not say anything to them because I've never felt that kind of loss before and at least I got ______________ with my mom, and my children are still here!

it's a constant battle in my heart, to validate my own feelings, but also not wanting to be "that lady" to anyone else experiencing loss.  but we are always comparing loss, aren't we, instead of just recognizing that it's the worst emotional pain anyone could possibly experience, no matter what the circumstance.  and because of all the different types of loss that revolve around motherhood, it's really pretty risky to put the HAPPY in front of the Mother's Day part.

Yesterday I tried really hard to just enjoy my role as a mother.  and my people were so good to me.  The forgave me for getting crabby (again) in the morning and nag-nag-nagging them to get their buns in gear and get ready for church.  They took me to eat at chipotle, my fave.  They gave me a nice long quiet nap with Steve, the take-your-pants-off-and-really-sleep type of nap.  They allowed me to cancel our walk to the park and instead work in the garden, getting it ready to add plants soon.  We got $1 jamocha shakes from Arby's for supper (don't judge.  we also ate fruit.) :) and snuggled up on the couch together to end the day.

and I felt blessed. really truly blessed.

but then the kids went to bed, I caught up on reading blogs, and suddenly all my feelings caught up with me.

my friend gave me a big hug first thing in the morning at church, like she does EVERY YEAR on mother's day, telling me that she was thinking about me.  and it was like I had to remove my heart from my body for a minute, because I wasn't ready to let myself feel yet.  and then later another friend sent me a little message to "motherless daughters" and I let myself cry, but only a few tears.  and then later we called my step-mom, and Steve's mom, and Steve's mom's mom, to wish them all a Happy Mother's Day, and I held it together, barely.

but once I made it to my bed, where it was dark and safe and quiet, all the feelings of the day that I'd stuffed down so far started leaking out in the form of tears.  and I just cried.  I cried and cried and could NOT stop for anything.  my sweet husband didn't say a word, and just held me while I cried for my mom.

I cried because I remember so many things about her.  I cried because I'm forgetting things about her.  I cried for the hand that was supposed to be on my forehead and wiping my tears at that very moment.  I cried for all the days that I've felt sick because no matter how old you are you still want your mom when you're sick.  I cried for the words of encouragement she gave me as a mother, making me feel like I was the best, even though I'd only just begun.  I cried for my kids who never even got to see that smile, and for the one who did, but wasn't old enough to remember.  I cried for all the times I think for a split second, "I should call my mom" before I realize I can't.  I cried for the fact that she never knew that I love to sew.  I cried for all the images I have in my head of her so sick.  so very sick.  I cried for the fact that sometimes that's still how I remember her. I cried for her light pink fingernails and always-too-long toenails. I cried for family game nights without her, for no more hilarious nights of watching her play Taboo.  I cried for my aunt who lost her sister and best friend.  I cried for my sisters who never got her in the room when their babies were born.  I cried for my brother and my sisters who never got or will get to have the MOB or MOG role filled at their weddings.  I cried for the memories of coming home to her house, with seasonal decorations out, and arms open for a hug.  I cried for all the people she could have brought closer to Jesus, because she was just really good at that.  I cried for the smell of her coffee breath and mugs on every single flat surface of that house.  I cried because I don't like coffee and I wish I did bc that was such a big part of her.  I cried because I don't look like her and no one will ever say "you must be Sharon's daughter!" like they do to my sister.  and I cried because it's not getting better, and it's not getting easier, even after six and a half years.

and I cried because mother's day was supposed to be about HER, not me.

and so that day I compared my loss to everyone else's, just for a moment, and think about how my loss is worse than everyone else's loss in the whole entire world.  because to me, it is.  and I allowed myself to realize how very lonely it is to not have a mother on mother's day.  and I hope that everyone else who feels loss of any kind allowed themselves the same luxury.  We're allowed to feel hurt, we're allowed to feel jipped, no matter what our story is.  I am one very blessed mother, and I'll always love mother's day for that.

but I'll also allow myself to cry, for the memories, the hurts, the wishes, and the love that I'm missing out on.

miss you mom, on Mother's Day and every day.

the debt reduction diaries: april showers

when it rains, it pours, right?  well, April poured.

poured down MONEY, that is!!!! it's really crazy.

April was the month where all the sacrificing finally "paid off," literally!

It started with a rockin' tax return, which I know, according to Dave Ramsey, is NOT a good thing, but for the Hydeens, it is, and here's why.  Steve and I both have a bunch of random sources of income that   does not get taxes taken out.  He does 88improv, some random commercial gigs, and music lessons (well, he used to anyway).  And I do daycare, the pinkadink, and a little photography.  so when you add all those together, and then take out our taxes, we don't want to run the risk of having to pay IN, so we always take out as much as we can from Steve's "real job" checks.  So depending on the year, and how "successful" our little business endeavors were, we either get a little tax return or a big one, just because we have to make sure that we don't have to pay.  Well, this year was a big one!  (it acutally means that the pinkadink wasn't very successful financially, even though I had gobs and gobs and gobs of orders.  I also had gobs and gobs and gobs of expenses, which I'm trying to fix for 2013.).  so anyway, we got a whoppin auto-deposit from the government.  At first it felt a little like a hand-out, and like it was sort of "cheating" with our debt payoff, since it was an amount of money that doesn't NORMALLY just show up in your bank account.  But I soon realized that we busted our BUTTS all year for that money, and it was just being witheld for a while, but we very much deserved every penny because we earned it!!!

we had also gotten a random check from Steve's grandma, who on occasion just sends us mail that says, "here's some money.  sent some to all the grandkids."  so we used that to pay off the van, and our snowball officially started!!!  woooooooo hooooooooo!!!!

we used our tax return to pay off our credit card, which wasn't a very high monthly payment, so it didn't add a huge amount to our snowball, but still...it's paid off, and we're done dealing with a 23.99% interest rate on that baby.  woooooooo hoooooo!!!!!

and also, we are being total grown ups right now about everything.  We are going to open an HSA with our bank, so that our medical expenses will be paid for pre-tax, which is awesome since we both go to the chiropractor once a month, and whenever we have to refill Lillian's inhalers and epi pens, I want to cry about how much it costs.

and we ALSO are in the process of refinancing our home mortgage, which will save us $140 a month, which we'll just stick right into our snowball!  (are you catching this?  we went from no snowball to 3 amounts in our snowball within one month!!!) plus, I have heard that when the refinancing goes through we'll have a month where they skip a payment, so we'll be able to use one house payment toward debt too! and that will probably knock off one of my small student loan debts which will add a few more bucks to the snowball!    for real, people, this is happening!

AND, (I told you it was pouring!!) we got hit by a major hail storm in April.  now, here's what happened... I knew that there was a chance for hail, so when we got home from the kids' school activity thing that night, I thought, "It might hail.  I should put the van in the garage!"  but, since the day before had been lovely weather, all the kids' bikes and scooters, etc were in my spot in the garage, for easy access.  So then I thought, "well, it's already after 8, so I'll just get the kids in bed, come out and move the bikes, and then get the van in."  well, by the time the kids got done with their nightly poop (seriously.  every night.  all at the same time.  what is UP with that!!!!) and got their pjs on, I heard a big thunk.  like, a BIG one.  and by the time I figured out that it was hail and heard the second THUNK, it was too late.  it was coming down HARD!  so I RAN to the garage, throwing bikes to the other side of the garage, yelling for kids to MOVE out of my way, and looking a bit like the Tasmanian Devil I'm sure.  and meanwhile, my children are screaming bloody murder because they know my plan is to run out in the life threatening hail to get the van inside.  and then I realized that it was pretty stupid to traumatize my kids for LIFE just to avoid a few dings on a van that's already 11 years old with 167,000 miles.  so I came inside and hugged my kids instead, and assured them that the hail was NOT going to slam through the roof and pelt us in the noggin, even though I was not quite certain of that myself.  long story short (well, not that short I guess...), the van is totaled, so we get $3500 for it!  sa-weet!  best life saving decision I've ever made!  I can handle driving a van with a bazillion dents in the hood and roof during it's last couple years (we hope!) of life, while we save up for a new one.

now, I'm half tempted to use that money to knock off some more debt, but we figure we had better use it to start a 'new vehicle fund' for when this old thing bites the dust.  and since we don't want to have another car payment when it happens, we had better figure out how to build that fund asap.  so that's what we're doing with it.  how boring. :)  unless, of course, we need to use it to pay our deductible on our HOUSE, which needs a new roof after the storm as well.  Two different roofers said they felt like they were going to fall through our roof and into our house when they were doing their estimates.  so, I guess getting a new roof for $716 isn't something I should be complaining about, except for the fact that I don't want to pay $716 on that.  oh well.  this might be the only time I've ever liked insurance companies! :)

ok, so the plan is just to get all the money gone from our accounts as soon as possible, because heaven knows Chipotle calls my name REALLY LOUDLY when there's "extra" money in the account.  :)  so far we're NOT going to raise our grocery budget (although that's in under debate right now, since Steve and I are both feeling really tired and unmotivated lately.  might be the lack of fresh foods....or the weather, for pete's sake!!!), and just carry on as if April never existed, so we can stick with the plan!

other awesomeness this month?  you people!  now, here's the deal.  I know I said before that I do NOT write this blog to make anyone feel like they should give us the things we're sacrificing or send us money or anything!  it's just a place for me to be honest and talk about what sucks and what we're doing to try make a difference in our lives.  But nevertheless, I mention that I bid adieu to the lovely brown rice medley from Trader Joes, and low and behold TEN bags show up at my house within a couple days.  (and to whoever it was, since I only know one of you...THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for the rice AND for the information that it's now only $1.99 a bag again!  happy happy day!!!!)  I mention that Josiah needs a haircut in a serious way, and there's a gift card on my front steps. I post a picture on fb of my empty fridge (which I was proud of, not concerned by!) and our friends show up with a box of produce (which was the only thing I didn't know how to pull off for the final two days of April without going over budget, which I was fully prepared to do later that day).  and then our neighbor (sorta) brought us a huge bag of grains from their pantry (rice, quinoa, oats) because they have some serious food intolerances in that family, and can't eat GRAINS!!!  you people continue to bless us, while at the same time making me really feel like I need to sensor what I put on here because I'm NOT A MOOCH!!! :)

the only thing I'm rather disappointed in, is that no one managed to deliver a five pound weight loss to my door step when I complained about gaining five pounds.  could someone PLEASE get on that??? :)

It's acutally really funny, the weight loss thing, because I was listening to the Dave Ramsey show this past week and some girl was on there saying how she lost 30 pounds in her debt payoff mode, because it just taught her discipline, which carried over into every part of her life!  and I was like DUDE, I agree, but I'm gaining weight!!!  but the rest of my life is feeling much more disciplined, which is crazy for me!!!  but I think maybe the food we're eating is what's causing my weight gain, which is sad, and another reason that I just might want to up our budget a little in the near future, now that we have a teensy bit of wiggle room.  we shall see....

The best thing about April though, is that it doesn't feel as good as I thought it would!  and yes, that's a good thing!  I was beginning to think that maybe I was getting a little obsessed with money and spending and grocery budgets and all that.  and I really wanted God to be working in my heart to help me NOT allow this GOOD thing to become an idol.  that's what usually gets me, ya know.  I idolize my husband, my family, my productivity.  all of those are good things, until they become my IDOL.  and I felt like I could feel the penny-pinching-idol 'infant' growing into a penny-pinching-idol 'toddler.'

so it feels good to know that it doesn't feel as good as I THOUGHT it would to be at this point where we actually can see the progress we've made.  I think it's evidence that I'm not allowing money to consume every single thought in my head, which is what I was hoping for, and working toward.

now, of course I still think about it.  it's part of being a 'gazelle.' :)  I still thank God for every single day that we have food to eat.  I still want to bring ziplock baggies to the elementary school when I eat there, so I can take all the fruits and veggies off the kids' plates before they THROW THEM AWAY!!! :(  and I still nag steve about not eating TWO breakfasts (can I give this bagel to Brielle since you're eating oatmeal right now?), or packing TWO oranges in his lunch. (honey, why do you have 2?  that second orange is not going to FILL you up, but it could be the entire fruit portion of someone else's lunch! and blah blah blah and nag nag nag...) but it's necessary, kind of, since he's not offering to switch roles with me and try to figure out how to make $300 a month work. :)  (and he's being SUPER supportive and helpful and not complaining about he doesn't get to do anything throughout this whole process, in case that hasn't come across in these blogs.  he's the best.  ever.)  It has to be on my mind in order for this to work, but it doesn't have to consume my whole mind and my every thought.

so yeah, april showers bring may flowers, right?  We got the downpour in April, and I can't wait to see what May will bring.  It's really exciting, after so many long weeks and months of sacrifice, to see the the progress with your own two eyes.  so, while I am ready for any amount of real snow that could possibly be turned into a snowball to LEAVE FOR GOOD, I'm hoping to see our DEBT snowball continue to grow!  woot!

(did anyone even read this whole thing?  that was a long one...) :)

Hydeens to Belize: Sara Crane Cakes raffle

I totally wish I wasn't me, so that I could enter to win this cake:

click the link below to find out how YOU can win it and share it with me. :)

http://www.youcaring.com/mission-trip-fundraiser/hydeens-to-belize-sara-crane-cakes-raffle/55468

Dear Mom who's ever read a post that starts with "Dear Mom"

I think that every woman with a blog is writing a similar type of post about this, but here's my version:

A few weeks ago Steve came home from work and I was like "it's so HARD to be a stay at home mom!"  and the funny thing is that I wasn't even talking about maintaining the house and keeping the kids entertained and making meals and changing diapers all day, which are all very hard things to do day in and day out.

I was talking about living up to everyone's expectations.  or not even expectations really, just advice.  or maybe not even advice really.  just preferences.  because I think that's really what's at the root of all these "mothering" posts.  we all have different preferences about how to parent.  and I'm the one who turns them into expectations and advice.

Here's (kind of) what happened.

Some nice mama-encouraging lady wrote a blog-letter called Dear Mom on the iphone, or something similar, about being at the park and missing out on your little girl twirling around in her dress and your super hero son asking you over and over to watch him jump while you sit with your nose in your phone.  and moms all around the world read it and probably felt one of three things.  either a) that's a really good point and next time I'll leave my phone at home, or b) I'm the WORST MOM EVER because I take my phone to the park, and I LIKE it!!! or c) who the *bleep* does she think she is saying that?  I deserve a break every once in a while!

and so then iphone mama writes a letter in defense of all the "c) mamas" (or maybe even all the mamas) saying it's OKAY for you to take your phone to the park and allow the kids to play together and get some fresh air and not be the center of the universe when you don't watch them twirl, because we all know you've already seen about 700 twirls today that you WERE paying attention to.

(and my mama-heart said "preach it sister!!!")

and then another somebody wrote a post requesting that the moms who are making a big deal about holidays such as Valentine's Day and St. Patricks Day tone it down a bit so that they don't feel like they have to keep up with the Jones' house AND holiday parties.  and another somebody wrote a post about not saying "in a minute" to your kids all day because they deserve your time.   and then somebody else worte a post about something else, and somebody else wrote a post about something else, and my poor mama-brain was like "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF PEOPLE TELLING ME HOW TO PARENT!!!!"

and suddenly (or possibly gradually) I realized that the no-iphone mama and the iphone mama and the holiday mama and the in a minute mama and all the other mamas have NO IDEA WHO I AM.  and...they weren't writing that letter to Andrea Hydeen.  But here I was acting like it was a freaking email in my inbox or a letter that arrived in MY mailbox, giving me unsolicited advice.  And I had all my defense statements lined up for them.

*I happen to think that a few minutes at the part without my undivided attention is good for the kids!  I already played ponies and Barbies and dress up and made a special lunch and read 6 books, WITH voices for each character and WITHOUT skipping any lines or pages!  so I can check my facebook at the park for just a couple minutes!
*I happen to like doing crafty things and making special lunches on holidays.  and I don't spend any extra money to do it so it's not going overboard.  Don't hate on the crafters!
*and another thing, if you are sick of trying to keep up with the Joneses, then just try saying NO to your kid for once!
*If I spent all day every day saying "yes" to the kids instead of "in a minute" then NOTHING in this house would ever get done!

and it went on and on in my head.  all these defenses to people who were not even talking to me.

What really happened was that some sinful moms, who know how easy it is to get wrapped up in the wrong things decided to try to encourage other sinful moms to be better.  and we should, shouldn't we?  We have so many complaints these days about how our society is turning to crap, but once somebody tries to encourage us to prevent that, we get all freaked out and defensive about it!  We NEED people who are willing to say these things!

and we also need to learn how to control our reactions.  see, that's the thing for me.  I know my flaws.  I know them really well, actually.  and so it's MY JOB to sensor myself when I need to.  (and yes, I think it's your job to sensor YOURSELF too.)

for example, I don't do so well with body image stuff.  so for me it's really really hard to go on pinterest and see all the different posts with these perfectly formed female bodies and all the workouts listed to see just how to get my rolly dimply body to turn into that perfect figure.  But I know that about myself, and I know that about pinterest.  and so each time I head there, I prepare myself for what's going to be on there.  and promise myself not to dwell on it.  so I go through and unfollow everyone's workout boards, and  I made MY workout board private, just because I don't want the rest of the world knowing what my workouts are.  Now, here's the thing.  you might be the type of person that gets MOTIVATED by perfectly formed female bodies instead of DISCOURAGED.  and by golly, you should still be allowed to post whatever the heck you want on your workout board because it's for YOU!  and I'm the one who has to react appropriately.

so for me, if everyone takes the holiday mama's advice and doesn't post all their cute ideas for the holidays because they're worried that everyone will think they're going overboard, I will be one sad sad sad lady.  I LOVE seeing what everybody does, which is also probably why I post things I that do that I think are cute!  and if it bugs you, then please delete me. :)  I'll delete your workout boards, and you can unfriend me so you don't have to see my holiday outfits.  deal?

for some reason craftiness is a real trigger for people.  I'm the crafter-type, so I don't really get it.  but a lot of people get really worked up about other people's crafts.  but ladies, we're all blessed with different gifts.  I can maybe make a cute craft or sew some clothes, but my kids will never know the joys of a mother who can cook.  so when people get all huffy about people making crafts for holidays, I'm like DUDE, I don't get all huffy every time someone posts a recipe!  lighten up!!!   (yes, I do realize I have my own areas that I need to lighten up in, thanks.) :)

so, my post isnt' going to be one of the ones that the whole world reads, because I'm not really saying anything important or controversial.  but it's important for me to make something out of all the brain space that was taken up this last month about mothering 'the right way.'

So here's what it is for me:
I'm going to keep reading the blog posts and articles about mothering because who doesn't want to be a better mother?  But I'm going to read them with different eyes.  I want to see the heart behind the author, not the accusations I create in my own head.  when I can take a post that might make me defensive and find a little nugget to make me better, then I can be better!  and I WANT to be better!  When I can decide to say "I'll do window drawing with you after I load the dishwasher" instead of "in a minute" I'm becoming a better mom, instead of being stuck on the "well then nothing will ever get done!"defensive mode.

so here's my challenge, for moms everywhere (or the 100 or so that read this post) :) to get to know THEMSELVES.  what are your triggers?  and what are you good at?  Let's do our best to avoid our triggers (workout pins), or accept them if we can't avoid them (I suck at cooking), and allow ourselves to learn from each other how to be better moms.  nobody is trying to attack you except for YOURSELF.  so read with caution, and REACT with grace, for yourself and others. 

belize trip!

I've been asked a couple times about how our fundraising is going for our trip to Belize.  The truth is we haven't mailed our letters out yet. :)  but they will be mailed out soon, and many of you will probably be getting one.  But since you all care enough to read what's going on in our life over here, I thought I'd post the letter here too.  :)

Dearest friends and family,

About six years ago God put a little stirring in my heart to go on a mission trip with our church.  Every other year, our little tiny church sends a little tiny team to another little tiny church in San Narciso, Belize, to accomplish great big things for the Kindgom.  And I've always wanted to be a part of it.

The only problem six years ago was that I was nursing a baby, and couldn’t yet bear the thought of leaving him and my 2 year old Lillian for a week.  And two years after that I was about to burst with baby #3 so I was unable to go again.  And 2 years after that, I don’t know, I just felt like my kids were so little, and how would Steve pull it off without me :) and a bazillion other reasons why I shouldn’t go.  

So here we are six years later with no babies, and no excuses.  I even dared to dream that Steve would somehow be able to go with me on this trip. In a way that only God can do, things all fell into place and last month we committed to spending a week in San Narciso with ten-ish other people, sleeping in a church, working on a construction project, VBS outreach, not drinking the water, and a whole host of other experiences I haven’t had in at least a decade.  Of all the places I’ve been and work projects I’ve been a part of, I’ve never once done it with Steve.  I’m so thrilled that God thought “my” idea was good enough to work it out for us to go together. 

For this trip Steve and I are on a small committee to head up the VBS portion of the trip.  This committee consists of Steve, with his "being on stage" abilities, and me with my elementary education degree, and a really really great lady from church who just has a way with kids (especially getting them to sing) and another young gal (that makes me sound old, doesn't it) :) who has been on a bunch of service projects before.  The four of us have our work cut out for us, planning and preparing for a week's worth of lessons and crafts and songs and ideas.  So we really covet your prayers for that planning process and the actual experience of the VBS.  

Once we get down there, we'll spend our days divided with a work/construction project during the mornings and the VBS in the afternoons.  We've also been told not to rely too much on the schedule though, since plans may totally change once we get down there.  It may end up being a go-with-the-flow type of experience for us.  Our trip is organized through Mission to the World, and since we don't actually have one of the pastors going with us on the trip, our group will really have to rally together and lead each other both before and during the trip.  It's so exciting to be a part of this type of thing again!!!

The biggest concern we have at this point (besides leaving our kids for a week, and DON’T ask Lillian about it if you’re not ready to see tears!) is the financial commitment we made to raise support for a third of the cost of our trip. We work as a team to fundraise a third, the church covers a third, and then we raise support for a third.  This was honestly the one thing that almost kept us from saying yes, but we decided it might be best to NOT ignore God’s calling on this one. :)  It’s been our honor to support just a couple people financially on their journeys of doing God’s work when we were unable to go, so I know that it can certainly be a blessing for all involved. 

So here we are, with about $1200 to raise (no official word yet) between the two of us, not including extra personal expenses like passports, shots, malaria meds, etc.  If you feel like God is calling you to partner with us in this way, we’d love to have your support.  If you want your check to be tax deductible, it needs to be made out to Grace Reformed Church, with our names on the memo line.  Other checks can be made to Steve or me, and will go toward our support raising or other trip related costs.  If the Lord blesses us beyond what we need to raise for this trip, the extra money will go toward our other team members’ costs or put in the missions fund for our church.  

And of course, if you’re unable to support us financially right now (believe me, we get it!) we would really love to have your prayers.  I know everyone who goes on a mission trip says that, but I’m so serious.  We would love your prayers for the two of us as we go through this experience together, that it would strengthen our love for each other and our ‘cord of three strands’ with our God.  We’d love prayers for our kids, who are already thinking a bit too much about the fact that Mommy and Daddy are going to fly over the ocean and be away from them for a week.  We’d love prayers for our team, from two different church sites, and the relationships created on this trip. And of course protection, and for God’s love to shine through us as we prepare for and experience this journey He’s bringing us on.  

If you feel led to help us with our support raising, please send your checks to:

(actually, I removed our address from the post, just to be on the safe side.  so feel free to contact me if you want our address! andreahydeen@gmail.com)

Thanks so much for joining with us on this journey in whatever way God leads you to!  We're so excited!!!