I'm in one of those moods, ya know? The kind where you feel like a slob, look like a slob, act like a slob.
It's hard to kick it. Steve is never home for supper anymore, and I think that's where it starts. a vicious circle.
if steve's not coming home, I'm not going to make a nice supper
so we eat crap
and feel like crap
and we sit around instead of doing stuff or exercising
and keep feeling like crap
so we wear crappy clothes
and look like crap.
and I could care less that I look like crap because steve's not coming home
and since steve's not coming home, I'm not going to make supper
so we eat more crap
blah
blah
blah...
I think I should go to chipotle and see if I can find that "can't get me down" attitude again. :)
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
can't get me down
Today started beautifully...
I woke up this morning sometime while steve was getting ready for work. That's the BEST way to wake up for a variety of reasons. First of all, it means that I am still in bed, which is one of the many reasons I love being a work from home mom. However, the sweetness today was mostly because it meant that Josiah, my dear, loving, sweet, non-sleeper SLEPT ALL NIGHT! No bad dreams, no owie toes (or elbows, or knees, or cheeks or anything else he can think of to hurt), no sneaking into our room to ask when he can get up. NOTHING!
It was lovely.
And the day progressed like most MOPS days: take a shower, warn the kids it's almost time to get up, get dressed, get the big kids up and dressed, feed the big kids, get Brielle up, feed Brielle, start freaking out about time, put makeup on, yell for the kids to get shoes on, change Brielle, keep freaking out about the time, yell for the kids to get thier shoes on AGAIN, start the search party for matching pairs of shoes, find sweatshirts or jackets for the rainy day, you get the picture.
today, however, we added a few extra steps, like find umbrellas for the kids, because they really really love them lately and even though it was only sprinkling, I decided to let them use them, even if it made us a few (more) minutes late.
I also didn't realize that we were OUT of gas, as in, sometime last night the light came on and much driving was done since then, so I couldn't just risk it today. So we were a few (more) minutes late.
We're always a LITTLE late, but today we were like 25 minutes late or something ridiculous like that. oh well, can't get me down today. :)
So after MOPS we only have a few minutes to eat before we have to have Lillian at school. Instead of having to pack a lunch and arrive even LATER than usual, we have just made it a tradition that after MOPS we stop by McDonalds with some friends and order a few cheeseburgers, fries to share, and water for the kids, and an entire meal for me, complete with my OWN fries AND a drink. I'm so unfair. :) BUT, there's an old guy there that occasionally gives the kids their own drinks and even happy meal toys because "they are so well behaved and you just don't see that too often these days." So they come out alright in the end. :)
But today our friends couldn't make it, so I decided that instead of McD's AGAIN, we'd do something different. I figured that if I got them something cheap like usual, and didn't order Brielle anything, then Brielle and I could eat at Chipotle while the kids ate thier burgers. I could use "Brielle's money" that would have paid for her food, and add it to the cost of what I would have paid for my McD's meal, and come up with about the same cost as a chipotle burrito, and Brielle could eat a side of beans and rice for like $.80 and we'd be spending about the same amount on lunch but Mommy would get chipotle. :)
so on the way to Chipotle, we stop at Wendy's and run through the drive-through to get their burgers. I know what to order, because they always want the same thing, every time. So I order a plain cheeseburger with small fries for Lillian, and a regular cheeseburger for Josiah, and even throw in another order of fries, hoping that it will make me feel less guilty about dragging them into chipotle to eat it.
So the guy clarifies that I wanted waters with that, and said something about ten dollars and pull ahead or soemthing. I'm thinking surely he wasn't giving me my total, because if cheeseburgers are like a buck, and fries are about a buck, then I shouldn't be spending more than four or five bucks at this stop. So I pull up to the window and say "how much was it?" and he says "ten sixty five" or something and I say "really? for two burgers and two small fries?" and he nods, giving me a look like I'm really stupid, or maybe just that he's really not wanting to be at work. and I think, 'ah, well, I get chipotle, ya can't get me down..." and hand him my card, which he drops, and I open my door to get, and bang it into the ledge, so have to pull ahead and open the door and squeeze out and hand him my card again. nothing like providing a little entertainment for those behind me.
Okay, so I get BACK in the van, drive to the next window where they hand me about a ten pound bag and a couple waters. It's then that I realize that these are not "kid quality" burgers, and there's a reason they were three bucks each. They are MASSIVE. So at least I feel better about spending the money, even though I know about half of each burger will be eaten IF I'M LUCKY.
Off we go to chipotle. mmm... The line was short, I ordered my perfect burrito, a side for B, and found a table to eat at. And it all went wonderfully. A few spills here and there (because those burgers were jammed full of condiments, it was really quite nasty), but nothing to really get me down. Lillian even ate EVERY bite of her burger, which wasn't even plain! I had to scrape off the stuff into her wrapper bc Mr. I'MTOOCOOLTOBEWORKINGATWENDY'S didn't pay attention to my order. Anyway, it doesn't matter. it's a good day.
While leaving chipotle I'm sure I looked a bit...um...flustered. we had to hurry to get Lillian to school, so I'm holding Brielle who is trying her best to get out of my arms and over to Lillian's fries, and holding Josiah's hand with one hand, and his fries with my diet coke in my other hand, which is the arm that's holding Brielle, and dodging puddles and holding my leg up as a road block after I let go of Josiah so that he doesn't go in the wrong side of the van and step on the pizzas I made for supper tonight at MOPS. (see? good day! supper is already ready!)
I put my diet coke on the top of the van, brielle in her seat, Josiah's fries in her lap, buckle her in, and try to "help" Josiah with his seatbelt. He really needs more than "helping" though, so I half climb into the van with my butt sticking out for all the lovely people in Chipotle to see, but figure they are not looking at my butt anyway so get over it. Josiah gets buckled, asks for his fries, so I take them from Brielle, and trade her for Lillian's, crisis averted. :)
WHOO! So we're finally in the van and ready to go and I pull out and notice like ALL the people in chipotle looking at me. nice. I figured they'd have other things to do besides watch me try to manage my three kids in a rainy parking lot while holding all our food and drinks we didn't have time to finish.
ah, well, can't get me down today! happy viewing people!
As we pull into Lillian's school, I can finally take a breath, and grab another sip of diet coke, and realize that the people in chipotle really could care less about me managing my kids and such. They were probably just placing bets on how far I could drive before my diet coke fell off the top of my roof. hopefully somebody got rich. :)
ANYWAY, came home to a crazy messy house because I've been neglecting it in the pinkadink busy-ness these last few days. Left the milk out on the counter this morning. Can't see the couch bc it's covered in laundry (but at least it's CLEAN! just not folded). There's lot of last night's supper on the dining room floor, and a bit of this morning's breakfast has joined it. But right now, the kids are in bed, the house is quiet, and I'm going to tackle the mess right after I'm done wasting time by writing this. :)
It's a good day. when I wake up like I did today, there's nothing that can get me down. :)
happy friday!
I woke up this morning sometime while steve was getting ready for work. That's the BEST way to wake up for a variety of reasons. First of all, it means that I am still in bed, which is one of the many reasons I love being a work from home mom. However, the sweetness today was mostly because it meant that Josiah, my dear, loving, sweet, non-sleeper SLEPT ALL NIGHT! No bad dreams, no owie toes (or elbows, or knees, or cheeks or anything else he can think of to hurt), no sneaking into our room to ask when he can get up. NOTHING!
It was lovely.
And the day progressed like most MOPS days: take a shower, warn the kids it's almost time to get up, get dressed, get the big kids up and dressed, feed the big kids, get Brielle up, feed Brielle, start freaking out about time, put makeup on, yell for the kids to get shoes on, change Brielle, keep freaking out about the time, yell for the kids to get thier shoes on AGAIN, start the search party for matching pairs of shoes, find sweatshirts or jackets for the rainy day, you get the picture.
today, however, we added a few extra steps, like find umbrellas for the kids, because they really really love them lately and even though it was only sprinkling, I decided to let them use them, even if it made us a few (more) minutes late.
I also didn't realize that we were OUT of gas, as in, sometime last night the light came on and much driving was done since then, so I couldn't just risk it today. So we were a few (more) minutes late.
We're always a LITTLE late, but today we were like 25 minutes late or something ridiculous like that. oh well, can't get me down today. :)
So after MOPS we only have a few minutes to eat before we have to have Lillian at school. Instead of having to pack a lunch and arrive even LATER than usual, we have just made it a tradition that after MOPS we stop by McDonalds with some friends and order a few cheeseburgers, fries to share, and water for the kids, and an entire meal for me, complete with my OWN fries AND a drink. I'm so unfair. :) BUT, there's an old guy there that occasionally gives the kids their own drinks and even happy meal toys because "they are so well behaved and you just don't see that too often these days." So they come out alright in the end. :)
But today our friends couldn't make it, so I decided that instead of McD's AGAIN, we'd do something different. I figured that if I got them something cheap like usual, and didn't order Brielle anything, then Brielle and I could eat at Chipotle while the kids ate thier burgers. I could use "Brielle's money" that would have paid for her food, and add it to the cost of what I would have paid for my McD's meal, and come up with about the same cost as a chipotle burrito, and Brielle could eat a side of beans and rice for like $.80 and we'd be spending about the same amount on lunch but Mommy would get chipotle. :)
so on the way to Chipotle, we stop at Wendy's and run through the drive-through to get their burgers. I know what to order, because they always want the same thing, every time. So I order a plain cheeseburger with small fries for Lillian, and a regular cheeseburger for Josiah, and even throw in another order of fries, hoping that it will make me feel less guilty about dragging them into chipotle to eat it.
So the guy clarifies that I wanted waters with that, and said something about ten dollars and pull ahead or soemthing. I'm thinking surely he wasn't giving me my total, because if cheeseburgers are like a buck, and fries are about a buck, then I shouldn't be spending more than four or five bucks at this stop. So I pull up to the window and say "how much was it?" and he says "ten sixty five" or something and I say "really? for two burgers and two small fries?" and he nods, giving me a look like I'm really stupid, or maybe just that he's really not wanting to be at work. and I think, 'ah, well, I get chipotle, ya can't get me down..." and hand him my card, which he drops, and I open my door to get, and bang it into the ledge, so have to pull ahead and open the door and squeeze out and hand him my card again. nothing like providing a little entertainment for those behind me.
Okay, so I get BACK in the van, drive to the next window where they hand me about a ten pound bag and a couple waters. It's then that I realize that these are not "kid quality" burgers, and there's a reason they were three bucks each. They are MASSIVE. So at least I feel better about spending the money, even though I know about half of each burger will be eaten IF I'M LUCKY.
Off we go to chipotle. mmm... The line was short, I ordered my perfect burrito, a side for B, and found a table to eat at. And it all went wonderfully. A few spills here and there (because those burgers were jammed full of condiments, it was really quite nasty), but nothing to really get me down. Lillian even ate EVERY bite of her burger, which wasn't even plain! I had to scrape off the stuff into her wrapper bc Mr. I'MTOOCOOLTOBEWORKINGATWENDY'S didn't pay attention to my order. Anyway, it doesn't matter. it's a good day.
While leaving chipotle I'm sure I looked a bit...um...flustered. we had to hurry to get Lillian to school, so I'm holding Brielle who is trying her best to get out of my arms and over to Lillian's fries, and holding Josiah's hand with one hand, and his fries with my diet coke in my other hand, which is the arm that's holding Brielle, and dodging puddles and holding my leg up as a road block after I let go of Josiah so that he doesn't go in the wrong side of the van and step on the pizzas I made for supper tonight at MOPS. (see? good day! supper is already ready!)
I put my diet coke on the top of the van, brielle in her seat, Josiah's fries in her lap, buckle her in, and try to "help" Josiah with his seatbelt. He really needs more than "helping" though, so I half climb into the van with my butt sticking out for all the lovely people in Chipotle to see, but figure they are not looking at my butt anyway so get over it. Josiah gets buckled, asks for his fries, so I take them from Brielle, and trade her for Lillian's, crisis averted. :)
WHOO! So we're finally in the van and ready to go and I pull out and notice like ALL the people in chipotle looking at me. nice. I figured they'd have other things to do besides watch me try to manage my three kids in a rainy parking lot while holding all our food and drinks we didn't have time to finish.
ah, well, can't get me down today! happy viewing people!
As we pull into Lillian's school, I can finally take a breath, and grab another sip of diet coke, and realize that the people in chipotle really could care less about me managing my kids and such. They were probably just placing bets on how far I could drive before my diet coke fell off the top of my roof. hopefully somebody got rich. :)
ANYWAY, came home to a crazy messy house because I've been neglecting it in the pinkadink busy-ness these last few days. Left the milk out on the counter this morning. Can't see the couch bc it's covered in laundry (but at least it's CLEAN! just not folded). There's lot of last night's supper on the dining room floor, and a bit of this morning's breakfast has joined it. But right now, the kids are in bed, the house is quiet, and I'm going to tackle the mess right after I'm done wasting time by writing this. :)
It's a good day. when I wake up like I did today, there's nothing that can get me down. :)
happy friday!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
poor Brielle :)
oh man. I just got this in an email from my aunt, and I was about busting up all alone in my living room reading it. I always thought all this stuff was cliche...and then I had kids. And as far as this family goes, it's all pretty dead on...except the pacifier thing. (I've always been a 'wipe it off and pop it back in' kind of girl.
Birth Order of Children
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
_____________________________________________________
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last
time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month..
______________________________________________________
The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and
discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
______________________________________________________
Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper,
a frown--you pick up the baby
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten
to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to
rewind the mechanical swing.
______________________________________________________
Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until
you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it
off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in..
______________________________________________________
Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour,
whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to
complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
_______________________________________________________
Activities
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing,
Baby Zoo, Baby Movies and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaners.
______________________________________________________
Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter,
you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to
leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
______________________________________________________
Swallowing Coins:
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance! ______________________________________________________
At Home: (and my personal favorite) :)
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children
(does anyone else think this is as hilarious as I do? or don't you have enough kids yet...) :)
Birth Order of Children
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
_____________________________________________________
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last
time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month..
______________________________________________________
The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and
discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
______________________________________________________
Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper,
a frown--you pick up the baby
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten
to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to
rewind the mechanical swing.
______________________________________________________
Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until
you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it
off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in..
______________________________________________________
Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour,
whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to
complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
_______________________________________________________
Activities
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing,
Baby Zoo, Baby Movies and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaners.
______________________________________________________
Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter,
you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to
leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
______________________________________________________
Swallowing Coins:
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance! ______________________________________________________
At Home: (and my personal favorite) :)
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children
(does anyone else think this is as hilarious as I do? or don't you have enough kids yet...) :)
Monday, April 5, 2010
I want what she has
This past weekend Erika (Steve's sister) got married, so most of our thoughts this Easter weekend were admittedly consumed by wedding-ness.
But last weekend we had the chance to do a few intentional Easter things to help remember the greatest gift ever given. We went to Christ Community Church, where I attend MOPS, and they had "stations" set up to make little crafts and learn a bit more about the easter story. So we stayed for a while and made some sand art things, learned how to make pretzels (and the three loops representing the Father, son, and holy spirit), and made some Easter placemats. And then, before we left, we stopped in the chapel to watch the video about the death of Jesus through the eyes of a child.
While watching the video, Lillian was really affected. She sat and cried and snuggled into her daddy's chest, not understanding why anyone would ever do such things to another person. She's always been a very sensitive girl, so I shouldn't have been surprised. But I guess I was. And that's what bothers me the most. I was surprised that it touched my five year old that way because to me, the story of the cross has seemingly become just that. a story.
I grew up hearing the story a million times. I've always understood that it was for me, and that I didn't deserve it, but I got it anyway. And that I could live because Christ died for me. And that he rose again, and conquered death, and the miracle of it all.
I still get emotional, quite frequently, actually, just thinking about the fact that it was for me. Little old dirty rotten sinful me. But if I'm honest, THAT'S what the emotion is about. Not necessarily WHAT he did, or what he WENT through, but just the fact that it was for me, *which I think is a really important part of it, still.*
But I want what Lillian has. I want fresh eyes, seeing the pain, the cruelty, the blood. When I think about him dying for me, I want to see it in full.
I remember this happening before too. When we first got our Jesus Storybook Bible (which you should all check out if you haven't already) we read that story. I think it was last year around Easter. And just the way the author writes had us all in tears. But that's not where it ended. For a while Lillian was having bad dreams about the death of Jesus, and it broke my heart.
So I've just realized this year that we need each other's eyes in all this. I need to see a bit more from her perspective, and the REALITY of it all. And she needs to see the best part, that we live FREE from our sin now, and forever in eternity. Because the "story" is real. And the love is real. And without one part or the other, you don't see the true miracle that it is.
But last weekend we had the chance to do a few intentional Easter things to help remember the greatest gift ever given. We went to Christ Community Church, where I attend MOPS, and they had "stations" set up to make little crafts and learn a bit more about the easter story. So we stayed for a while and made some sand art things, learned how to make pretzels (and the three loops representing the Father, son, and holy spirit), and made some Easter placemats. And then, before we left, we stopped in the chapel to watch the video about the death of Jesus through the eyes of a child.
While watching the video, Lillian was really affected. She sat and cried and snuggled into her daddy's chest, not understanding why anyone would ever do such things to another person. She's always been a very sensitive girl, so I shouldn't have been surprised. But I guess I was. And that's what bothers me the most. I was surprised that it touched my five year old that way because to me, the story of the cross has seemingly become just that. a story.
I grew up hearing the story a million times. I've always understood that it was for me, and that I didn't deserve it, but I got it anyway. And that I could live because Christ died for me. And that he rose again, and conquered death, and the miracle of it all.
I still get emotional, quite frequently, actually, just thinking about the fact that it was for me. Little old dirty rotten sinful me. But if I'm honest, THAT'S what the emotion is about. Not necessarily WHAT he did, or what he WENT through, but just the fact that it was for me, *which I think is a really important part of it, still.*
But I want what Lillian has. I want fresh eyes, seeing the pain, the cruelty, the blood. When I think about him dying for me, I want to see it in full.
I remember this happening before too. When we first got our Jesus Storybook Bible (which you should all check out if you haven't already) we read that story. I think it was last year around Easter. And just the way the author writes had us all in tears. But that's not where it ended. For a while Lillian was having bad dreams about the death of Jesus, and it broke my heart.
So I've just realized this year that we need each other's eyes in all this. I need to see a bit more from her perspective, and the REALITY of it all. And she needs to see the best part, that we live FREE from our sin now, and forever in eternity. Because the "story" is real. And the love is real. And without one part or the other, you don't see the true miracle that it is.
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